Bar Boi Booty
Probably the most frequently asked question on the gay Thailand forums centers around the subject of how much you should ‘tip’ a guy for spending time with you. The answer isn’t easy. It will depend on where you are, where it is, what you do, and for how long. Then your own motivations factor in, too. So there is no hard and fast answer. Figuring it out, though, starts with an understanding of why it is up to you.
I’m not gonna give you an historical basis for that; I haven’t a clue. I think, however, in a large part it has to do with Thailand’s culture, the way Thais have been raised and how they think. First off, this isn’t the $20 for a blow job transaction between a whore and a john back home. To the Thai way of thinking, it’s more of an even trade. They are offering up something you need (their hot bod) and you are offering up something they need (your wallet). And you are not buying sex, rather they are going to ‘take care of you’ and you are going to do the same for them.
That may seem like it’s splitting hairs, but recognizing the small difference in motivation means the difference between having a great time and, well, feeling like you landed a dud. I think that’s where a lot of touri go wrong and get the dud experience. They enter the transaction as though they are buying a whore and that’s not where the guy is coming from. But if you treat him like a piece of meat for sale, all bets are off; he will respond in kind.
But there are no hard and fast rules here. It is Thailand after all! The guy who pushes you to off him and then quotes a figure for his time . . . well, he’s a hardened whore and has been burned enough times that it is now a strictly cash transaction for him. Sex for money. Hopefully lots of the later and as little of the former as possible. These guys will be a dud. Part of the reason they ask for a set fee up front, and a high one at that, is because they don’t plan on performing to a degree that would ellicit that kind of money in the first place. The majority of guys, though, operate on the ‘up to you’ basis. Which means they are going to rely on you doing the right thing. There’s a reason it’s called a tip. And there’s a reason you pay it at the end of your time together.
So how much? Getting a realistic answer on the forums is tricky. A lot of the posters are expats and they want to keep the expected tips low. Can’t blame them. And though you don’t hear from as many Bangkok expats, when you do it’s not unusual to hear that the damn touri are ruining it for everybody by over tipping. Then you’ll get the posters who try and tell you how they always manage to score for some ridiculously low price, but that’s always bullshit.
The range of tips is always going to be higher in Bangkok. With Phuket coming in close behind (Phuket for some reason doesn’t seem to know it is in Thailand and prices on everything are more in line of what you’d pay in Europe.) Then Chiang Mai, and the lowest range runs in Pattaya. For good reason. Lots of available guys, and Pattaya draws an even mix of cheap touri and even cheaper expats.
How much you tip will also depend on whether it is for short time or long time. Short time can be as little as an hour (or however quickly you can finish up) to several hours, but not over night. Short time bar boys sum it up with, “you cum, I go.” Long time usually means over night. Not all guys want to spend the night. Could be you, could be they have friends waiting, could be they have to get home to their wife. Longtime usually finishes with or at breakfast. Though if it also covers spending the day together, well, that’s really a different proposition and you then have to take into account whether you are offing him for another night. If not, he still needs time to go home, take a nap, clean up, eat his type of food, and get back to work.
How much you tip when you off a guy for several days brings out a whole bunch of new opinions. The majority seems to believe you should get a ‘discount’. They usually base that on the fact that the guy is getting offed for more nights in a row than he would if he worked each of those nights. I totally disagree on this one. You are asking far more out of the guy to give up a week of his time than when you do an over-nighter. He is going to abandon his friends and family and spend all of his time with you. That alone should be worth the full tip. But in addition, you are going to get a tour guide, a translator, 24 hour companionship . . . much, much more than a quick roll in the hay. And I’ve heard the argument, “Yeah, but I’m paying for the room and his food .. .” Sorry. All of that was at your choice, not his. I do think, however, you should get a discount on the off fees charged by the bar. They are scoring more fees than they would if he worked nightly, and it is not costing them any additional effort.
What you want to do comes into play too. If you are offing a Tawan muscle guy and just want to strip down and do the muscle worship thing, that’s short time without much effort on his part and the tip would be smaller than if you wanted to spend several hours and share an orgasm.
There also seems to be a belief that you have to tip more at some bars. Tawan always tops that list. Jupiter holds that reputation, too. I don’t believe this is necessarily true. I think it is based on a false assumption that tends to feed itself. But if too many people think you have to tip a guy from Tawan 1,000 baht more than other bars, and do, pretty soon it becomes the expected tip thanks to the customers, not because the bar boys demanded it. At the same time, hitting the top star at a bar on a Saturday night . . . well the tip may be up to you but the guy also knows he is in great demand and may not want to take a chance on his landing a cheapskate instead of a sugar daddy.
If you under tip, or the guy is greedy, he may ask for money for a taxi. Like 500 baht. I always tip with some small bills to ensure he really doesn’t need change for transpo, and then reply with a ‘No, sorry’ if he asks (but I also tip at the top of the range so I know I’m not under tipping).
Before I get to the range of tips, which is really all ya wanted to hear anyway, let me also mention that if you are the generous, or gullible, type and buy the guy gifts (i.e., gold chains, cell phones, clothes, etc.) the cost for those do not come out of his tip. The two are totally distinct and sperate from each other.
So here’s my tip list. I used experience, others’ advice, and advice from several bar boys for these ranges. The ranges are the norm: what is acceptable. You may be able to go lower (and will be ignored next time you go into that bar) and of course you are more than welcome to pay more (and get bowled over by all the guys trying to get to you next time you hit that guy’s bar):
Short Time:
Bangkok: 1,000 – 1,500 baht
Phuket: 1,000 – 1,200 baht
Chiang Mai: 900 – 1,200 baht
Pattaya: 800 – 1,200 baht
Long Time:
Bangkok: 1,500 – 2,500 baht
Phuket: 1,500 – 2,000 baht
Chiang Mai: 1,200 – 1,800 baht
Pattaya: 1,000 – 1,800 baht
If spending the day together without an additional night’s off, the higher dollar value of the range is fine if you are feeding and entertaining him. Though throwing in an extra 500 baht if you were pleased is cool. If you spent the day in bed together, an extra 500 is a must.
Me? I pretty much stick to Bangkok bois and almost always go for an over-nighter. I tip 2,000 baht, make sure he gets breakfast in the morning if he wants it, and don’t demand morning sex (if I want another roll in the hay, then I’ll keep him for another night). I’ve never had a complaint with this and any guy I’ve offed is always pleased to see me again.
A Closing Note On Long Term Offs
Sorry, I know I ramble on so I’ll endeavor to keep this brief. But I thought it’d be interesting to share with you. On one of my more recent year end trips I brought along 3 friends. After hitting Bangkok, we went to Chiang Mai and Phuket. I brought along my bar boy friend, Noom, from Bangkok. None of my friends had been to Thailand before, so I played tour guide. Which also meant Noom played tour guide as he felt responsible for seeing my friends had a good time, too. By the time we reached Phuket, Noom was physically drained and ill from the stress of trying to keep four distinct personalties happy and ensure they were all enjoying themselves. This is what he calls ‘taking care’ of his customer. And I realized, to a lesser degree, he goes through the same when it is just him and me. It really clued me in on what these guys go through internally when they accept a long term off. Discount the amount of tip you are gonna give? No way.
Related Posts You Might Enjoy:
He’s Just Not That Into You
First Timers Guide To Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars Part 1
A Failure To Communicate
Very, very good article and writing. I’d say everything you mentioned is quite accurate.
Thank you Francis! I love being told I’m right . . . and mahalos for taking the time to leave a comment!
Hmmmm, I think I’ve over tipped a few times maybe. Still, I think it was worth it. Your atrticles are great and I’m slowly working my way through them. Many bring back quite vivid memories and I think I need to consider a 14th visit. Loved Chiang Mai too by the way, great place. Stupid me stayed at the Royal Princess though, awkward!
That 14th visit sounds like a wise plan!
Hi there!
Great page! thanks for all the info you gave. I have a question please hope u can help… How short is short time for taking a boy off ? as i know an overnight it usually mean from night till morning. Thanks!
Thanks Jay.
Bar boys define a short time as ‘you come, I go’.
But generally it means not over night.
So anywhere from 5 seconds for those quick out of the gate to several hours.
Most guys, at least in Bangkok, won’t rush you. But if you offed the guy early in the night, he’d probably like to get back to his bar and land another customer.
Being in Bkk right now (and its late) with less (real) work than I expected and plenty of time for whatever, your reading its extra-pleasant and really instructive; thanks!
As for soi Twilight, I was there Friday; I know it was late (around 00.30) but really poor, although got a last minute and unexpected pearl on Freshboys. Once again your guide is invaluable to navigate in that tipsy-turvy world! Now an amateurish question: what can one expect from the bunch of happy and some interesting boys standing outside their Bonny Massage home in same soi?. I mean what can one reasonable expect from the “full service” anounced in their menu and available to go to hotel? Just the usual handjob happy hand or the real harder stuff that some inspire to long for?
Txs again and who knows if we cross!
Ah, my place in the universe has been secured. Thanks Alba!
Bonny massage is only there for happy endings. I’d not expect much in the way of an actual massage.
I would expect what ever your little heart desires to be on the menu, though.
And while massage places are usually for in-house use, yes, you can off a boy and take him back to your hotel too.
I’ll be back in Bangkok in a few days, so maybe we will cross paths!
Very very useful post. Though I do have to ask. Will the tip be lower if u get a guy off the streets? An acquaintance told me that he got a bar boy who was ‘loitering’ in the streets after the bar hours. Trying not to sound like a cheapskate, but failing miserably (I know
), is haggling considered rude or unheard of?
Thanks in advance…
Sorry Imran, I refuse to deal with cheap bastards.
But yes, street trade (may be) cheaper. How much cheaper would depend on who he is. A bar boy after closing may agree to go with you but might still expect his normal tip (you already saved on not paying the bar fine). There are a handful of guys hanging around the area who for one reason or another can not get hired on at one of the bars who may be even cheaper yet. While possible, I wouldn’t expect a real happy ending from them though.
Tipping amounts are ‘up to you’. If you are haggling, that means the guy quoted a price and his only interest is in cash – not in your orgasm. But yes, if you get into a discussion about price before the act you are free to haggle.
hi,if i want to take tawan men to vacation out of thailand for two days.how much is the appropriate tips to give.
Let me answer that kinda backwords Deja.
What do you consider the appropriate tip for 1 long-time off in Bangkok with a guy from Tawan?
Whatever that amount is, double it (‘cuz you are asking for 2 days).
The trip, hotel, food, incidentals all come out of your wallet.
Tip-wise it does not matter that you are taking him out of the country.
Though obviously it would be up to him whether he wanted to go – that may depend where it is, but most guys, as long as they like you as a customer, enjoy the chance to travel a bit.
Hope that answered your question!
I like your page.
Thanks Sixx – hope you’ll enjoy more of them too!
hi,.i read your articles and they’re so informative..awesome and very articulate..with what i have read, i think i will never get lost and survive soi twilight
…i’m arriving in bangkok on nov 3 2012 and included soi twilight as one of my itenerary..a bit scared in going there all by myself but still going there…i would really want to go there and watch…though you may have provided all the information i need, my question is ” can i just sit there…relax and enjoy the show without being harrassed? thanks!
Thanks Meng.
The quick answer is no. You can not just sit there and not be harrassed. Mamasans think that is their job. And depending on the bar, many boys think the hard sell is the answer too.
But you can minimize that part of your experience. If you like muscle guys, tawan is your best bet. The captains seldom push for an off and though the guys working there may approach you, they also understand a friendly nod and a “I’m not interested in offing someone tonight.” After the first strikes out, everyone will leave you alone.
Dream Boys is one of the most popular bars on Soi Twilight, but their mamasans can be very agressive and most refuse to take no for an answer. Consider yourself warned. At Hot Male the mamasans may ask if you want a boy, but will usually back off after being told you are only there for the show.
Consider it part of the cover charge and don’t let that stop you from visiting. At most bars once you have made it clear that your wallet will not be dispensing cash, you’ll be left to enjoy the show in peace.
thanks for responding and i’ll surely take your advise. i still can’t help but read all your articles..so detailed and even try to google some words that are new to me
…but seriously, i hate reading long stories but you are truly amazing. an excelent writer i may say…keep it up and i’ll always check your blogs everyday for updates…if i may ask, were do you think is the place to stay? i have a hotel reservation at khao san rd…are there any other place where a gay person would enjoy? again thank you!
Khao San?!
Yikes!
My initial reaction was to tell you to cancel that reservation NOW. But then I don’t know anything about you. If you are a backpacker Khaosan is where your clan stays, so cool. If not, it is possibly the worst area for a first timer to stay in Bangkok.
There is a different attitude among the locals there (and it ain’t good) and no decent transportation for seeing the rest of the city. Some families and middle-aged touri stay there too, but it is mostly a younger crowd whose naivete marks them for easy prey.
Not that you have to stay by the gay bars, but you’ll be about a 125-150 baht taxi ride away. There are no gay establishments in that area. Most are around Patpong in the Silom area.
You can find a hotel along Sukhumvit between soi 4 and 26 that will fit any budget, and with the BTS running its length you’ll be able to get around the city cheaply and easily.
thank you very much!!! i really appreaciate it…I’ll cancel my hotel reservation right away and find a nice hotel along Sukhumvit area…you really are an angel…so lucky to have found your blog…i think all the best massage parlor are also situated in that area…thanks buddy!!! you truly are a big help!!!
Whew!
That was a close one!
And yup, two of the better known and well thought of massage places are off Sukhumvit, sois 11 and 26, with several others spread through the area too.
Hi Bangkokbois
Your blog has been an inspiration to me ! This is my first “proper” visit to Bangkok, I have visited several times in the past but they have been short and work related so never got the chance to do the fun stuff !
My greatest regret is that I did not come here 20 years ago. I am so solidly in the “old fat white guy” bin now that I have a limited set of experiences.
I have been to Soi Twilight a couple of times and had an IMMENSE time
My trick after doing some sitting and observing was to totally forget about the money. I am sure I am recognised now by the mamasans as the very easiest of marks and will buy a drink of anyone who looks at me
I have to keep reminding myself (or I find I do anyway), when I know that I am being totally “mamasanned” that the bill including off and tip is gonna be what ? $300 ?
The truth of it is, the boys have too little money, and a hard life, and I have far to much money and have done bugger all to earn it (except sit in an office in Auckland).
So I have had a totally awesome time in Bk, and will go out again tonight for a last harah before having to get back on a plane for 11 hours and return to reality.
Love your blog, big fan, be assured I will be a continuing reader.
Also best wishes and a warm heart to both yourself and Noom.
Care to ya, Kiaora
Kiwirider
Thanks Kiwirider!
I’m jazzed to hear you’ve had such a grand time in Bangkok. But a total disregard for money? The sexpats will be gunning for you!
Sounds like you have a great attitude, amazing that that means you had a great time too, huh?
I love hearing from first-timers who totally enjoyed their time, it’s a good reminder of just how much fun the boys of Bangkok can be and how exciting the experience is. So thanks for that.
Noho ora mai ra – and I hope your last night in the Big Mango is a smash!
Well, Saturday Morning BK time, I check out soon and taxi to the airport. I have a beautiful boy eating soup and watching cartoons (cartoons!) on tv in one room while I am typing this out in another.
Re the total disregard for money, I am very sure that if I were a long termer or very regular Thailand visitor I would be much more economical.
I was more comparing say a holiday to Sydney or Tahiti or even a long weekend in Queenstown (my town of birth in NZ) – with how expensive they are, I can drop $400 easy on a dinner out for my mum, myself, my brother and his stupid wife
So relatively speaking and in the short term Twilight was a bloody good deal (I dont get to shag a totally hot boy after dinner with my family !).
Wishing everyone on the board many happy and safe off’s, love each other out there !
Kiwirider
lol, cartoons . . .doesn’t seem to matter how old they are, cartoons rock to Thai guys.
– Safe Voyages Kiwirider
Hi, Have been to Bangkok and Chang Mai several times and liked enjoy taking as tall as possible muscle guys to my hotel for and hour. Tawan Bar seamed to have a couple of that type out of the 20 or so. Im planning to go to Phuket and would like to know the scene there, where to find that type of guy, and where to stay. I stayed at Tantawan Place hotel in BK and liked it very much. Is there a comparable Hotel that is recommended in Phuket and any with ocean views or any room views? Thanks, Aloha from Honolulu, Steve
Aloha Steve -
Um, you do know the palm trees in Phuket look just like the ones in Hawaii, right?
So by Phuket, since you are asking about the bars, I assume you mean Patong Beach. The bars (95% of them) are clustered in the Paradise Complex. But they are nothing like the bars in Bangkok. The shows are more cabaret in nature, lots of ladyboys, lots of dance numbers, very little male flesh. Actual dick and sex you will not see. There is no Tawan-type bar either. Your best bet is to start off at My Way, and then hit the others if needed. You may have just as much luck with the moneyboys at the Boat Bar.
Accommodations too are of a different sort. There are several gay guest houses in and around Paradise Complex, but they are shophouses turned in to inns, not hotels. The Royal Paradise is if not the largest hotel in Patong Beach at least the tallest and it sits at the back of Paradise Complex. So, convenient. And you can get nice views of either the mountains or the ocean. But they have a joiner fee policy that is strictly enforced. Several years ago when I stayed there it was 500 baht.
I’ve also stayed at Siam Palms, which is probably closest to Tantawan. Not exclusively gay but might as well be. But it is not near Paradise Complex; walkable for me possibly a bit further than most would want to hike. You can take a motocy taxi instead, or a high fixed fare tuk tuk.
Last time I was in town I stayed at a Best Western that had just been refurbished and was nicely appointed at a reasonable price. No views other than that most rooms overlook the large swimming pool. It too is a walk to the bars, though comfortably so.
Really for what you get the hotels in Phuket are overpriced. So take care if you try to go cheap. Off the top of my head I can’t think of the name of the main street that runs through town toward the beach, but I’d avoid that area as it has turned into party central for the party ‘til you puke crowd. Unless that’s your thing.
Hope that helps. Feel free to drop a note if you have any other questions!
Hey , thanks for the response. The hotel you mentioned with the view sounds best. I just want to be sure I can take guys to my room if I find any. Aloha, Steve
Thanks Steve – it may cost you in joiner fees, but you’ll have no problem in being allowed to take a new friend back to your room with you. If you find one of the bars to have a good selection of masculine guys, please report back. I’m sure other readers would appreciate the info.
Well,as long as you’ve decided on the place you deserve in the universe (presumably the right hand of Someone) is there much use in just another down-to-earth reply?
Yes he says … being a congenital blabbermouth . But there is a minor aside to this longish conversation , and that has to do with the notion of ‘Farang-Exhaustion’.
But not now: long expositions typed out on this tiny tablet are a major pain the ass. Later dude … I have things to say but not until the dear old laptop is in sight. Which ain’t now.
Meanwhile, enjoy your time on the Right Hand.
Geeze Smiles, bkkguy just anointed me King and already you’re demoting me to second chair – you could have at least given me a day to enjoy my new found status.
I’ll be interested in hearing your views on ‘Farang-Exhaustion’. Not quite as interested as in seeing an updated photo of Pot, but interested nonetheless.
Hi Bangkokbois. Thanks for such a helpful post. Any opinions on massage places? I was looking a some websites in BKK and they were quoting a minimum tip. I assume that is if a hand job is involved. I got the feeling that the rates are the same.
Thanks again.
Hero gets a lot of good press.
Yup, the ‘minimum’ tip is for the minimum enjoyment.
Unlike with a mamasan at a gogo bar, use the one (or manager) at the massage place. Tell him exactly what you want – he will know which of the guys are willing to do what you are hoping for.
Some places charge a bit more, some you don’t get to select the guy. But you can check the place – and the staff – out before agreeing to a deal; if you don;t like what you see, just move on to the next one.
Thank you. I appreciate the prompt reply.
a very interesting and informative read. I am slowly going through all your entries before my first BKK trip with my partner. The last time I was there was almost 20 yrs ago, and this time, I want the trip to be worth it since I promised my partner that we will be doing the go-go bois scene together. Your guide will be very helpful to us, as we do our BKK adventure. Thank You!
Thanks!
The scene has changed over the last 20 year. I think it is more convenient now. You should have a grand time!
If you have any questions that aren’t covered in my posts, feel free to ask.
Soooo… what would be considered normal if a guy stays with you for a few days (or longer)? Should you tip him the same for every day? or is it usually an amount for a week, etc.?
Also… what about the boys that aren’t working in a bar– but then after meeting, etc. their friends start mentioning about him needing money, etc. I just don’t know what’s considered “normal” for BKK…
thanks!
Normal?
Bangkok?
Huh. I’ve never heard those two words used together before.
But yes, despite claims by Cheap Bastards, your tip should be the same no matter how many days you off a guy (uh, that’s times the number of days, not the exact same amount!)
Guys who do not work in the industry but need money are a different story. Using what a normal tip would run you as a basis, usually you can judge what he ‘needs’ by what he needs the money for and then give him what seems acceptable to you. Usually those guys will have a specific bill to pay or something that needs purchasing (even if it’s only a story to get some cash out of you).