I lost my heterosexual virginity to a girl named Fawn. I think parents should be a bit more circumspect in selecting names for their offspring. They should at least exert as much effort in doing so as they do in naming their dog. Whatever they decide upon, the kid will be saddled with that moniker for life. And a name alone can be responsible for the path that life takes them down. When you name your little darling Fawn, the chances that she’ll grow up to be President of the United States are nil. That in her high school yearbook she’ll be voted as ‘Most Likely To,” on the other hand, is a pretty sure bet. But then it is the Fawns of the world who give little gay boys the opportunity to test the waters of heterosexuality. Maurice Chevalier may have thanked god for little girls, but gay boys interested in exploring their dark side tip their hats for the little sluts of the world instead.
Before my fateful encounter with Fawn I had sex with several different guys. And it was good. I could easily have stuck with dick for my entire life, but thought before discarding the idea completely I should at least make an attempt at finding out what pussy was all about. Enter Fawn. And I did.
Pussy is a lot like eating escargot. It doesn’t sound very appetizing, but it is something you almost have to try once. Just to have had the experience. The two have a similar appearance, both end up costing you more than they are actually worth, and aficionados sing their praises alike, attempting to convince you of what in your heart you know to be false. Unlike with eating snails, however, pussy does not improve with the liberal application of garlic-butter. Regardless of the similarities or differences of the two, I still order escargot on occasion. Pussy these days, however, is off the menu.
The question then, since I have indulged in heterosexual sex, is: am I bi? Or, was I at least during that period of my life when I mistakenly believed women were an adequate source of an orgasm? I’d say no. But then it really depends on how you apply the straight/bi/gay labels. If it is the act that matters, then bi I are. If instead it is how you self-identify, then I’ve always been gay. Even when deep within a pussy.
I have a friend who came out to his parents at the age of twelve. He didn’t have sex with another person until he was twenty-eight ( I have to assume the little bugger spent years masturbating like a fiend). Obviously, he felt being gay was a question of who you were, not who you were doing. If pushed, I’d agree. But part of me wants to hold out on that assessment. Part of me wants to argue that if you have a habit of sucking dick, you’re gay no matter how deeply you try to convince yourself otherwise. Part of me wants to believe that any man willing to get up close and personal with another man’s cock is gay. But those guys like to lay claim to the bi label instead. If you have to apply a label, then to me grabbing a hold of the bisexual one is no different than claiming you are just a little bit pregnant.
Gay guys catch a lot of crap for generally feeling that bisexuals are just gay guys who have not manned up and admitted they play for the pink team. But then a lot of straights think the sole purpose in life for gay men is to lure the unsuspecting into a life of homosexuality. And I’d almost agree with them too. Except that from experience I know that it is impossible to turn a breeder gay. If he is not already leaning in that direction, there’s nothing you can do that will convince his best buddy to stand at attention when there is no pussy in the room. Fortunately, regardless of how they self-identify, the majority of guys are not that firmly in the breeder camp. With the right guy at the right time under the right set of circumstances, most will readily drop trou. And then, getting them to drop to their knees is a breeze.
Dr. Kinsey came up with a scale, running from one to ten, to define how gay or straight a man was. Those who rated 0 were totally 100% straight. They wouldn’t touch dick even when it was staring at them in the face. Those who fell on the scale at the 6 spot were the guys who became nauseated and could not read any further after the first time I used the word pussy in this post. Obviously, most guys fall somewhere in the middle, ranking anywhere from 2 to 5 on Kinsey’s scale. A true bisexual would be a 3, everyone else on either side would be a little bit gay, or a little bit straight, depending on your preference. And theirs.
Couple Kinsey’s work with the results of a study I recently read that found sixty percent of men, by the age of forty-eight, have had at least one homosexual experience – which since guys who have done dick tend to lie about it, would mean it’s safe to assume that two thirds would be a truer representation – and you can not come up with any other conclusion other than that the vast majority of men are in fact bisexual. Which is pretty gay. That’s the inherent problem with using labels. A large number of those bi guys would swear they are straight. And a large number of gay guys would swear those bi guys who claim to be straight are gay. Especially when so many of them head straight for dick.
Having said that, Noom – my bar boy friend and current love of my life – is straight. Even though he has personal encounters with dick a few times a week. That seems to be a problem for some readers of this blog. They either are concerned that I am apparently in love with a straight guy, with all the dangers such a love affair entails, or they want to argue that Noom is not straight, at best he’s bi. For the record, I did not apply that label to him, he claimed it on his own. Straight is how he self-identifies. But then straight to a Thai may mean something entirely different than it means to you. Or used to mean to me.
The straight bar boy question has been a consistent topic on the gay Thailand message boards for years. Most agree that a percentage of bar boys are in fact straight. What that percentage is is a matter of debate. Some say they would never off a straight bar boy (and claim they are all duds even though they’ve never tried one to know), others never off any bar boy who isn’t straight. Some test the waters, using the bi label to explain how a straight guy can manage to make a living having sex with other men, others say that at their age your dick is hard all the time anyway so it doesn’t matter. Whatever the stance, they all are partially correct. And just as much wrong. As when discussing anything about Thailand, trying to fit sexual identification into the Westerner perspective ignores the very real impact and role Thai culture plays. And in Thailand, that’s all that really matters.
It’s interesting that bisexuality is an unknown phenomenon in Thailand. You never run across a bi Thai. Thais instead tend to view the world in black and white when it comes to sexual identity and labels. You are either straight – a man – or gay, which while no one will ever say it, they mean woman, or at least woman-like. You could also be a ladyboy, but then no one is confused about how ladyboys self-identify. But the straight and gay label is using English words and a western concept that does not directly translate into Thai. They tend to be more fluid in their sexual experience. In Thailand, straight guys do, on occasion, have sex with their male friends. That doesn’t make them gay. It just makes them happy.
So Noom claims to be straight. And if you ask him he’d tell you that I am too. Because to him I’m not gay, at least not in how he identifies gay men to be. For years I went along with the idea that he was straight and I was gay; what you called it didn’t matter to me as long as we were both hard in bed. But then, when he met a friend of mine from Indonesia, Noom made his first pronouncement that he has since repeated several times of others. “He gay,” he told me.
“Uh, yeah,” I replied somewhat bewildered on why we were even having the conversation. “But so am I.”
“You not gay,” he informed me, shaking his head at the very idea I’d be so foolish to think so.
Huh. A Thai broaching the subject of sexual identity needed to be followed up. “I like having sex with guys, so that makes me gay.”
“You not gay,” he repeated a bit exasperated at having to repeat himself. “You man.”
Ah. I thought I got it. But wanted to be sure. “So why is Damen gay and not a man?”
“He like sex like lady.”
I could have confused the issue further by telling him that proper ladies do not enjoy sex. But figured that play on English could be saved for some other time. Instead I considered this new twist on labels. To Noom, gay wasn’t a state of mind, nor was it about the gender you have sex with. Kinsey’s scale in Noom’s world didn’t run from straight to gay but rather from manly to ladylike. Assuming ladylike meant throwing your heels in the air.
“So ladyboys are gay?”
“No. Ladyboy is ladyboy,” he didn’t clarify. “Sometime ladyboy like (and Noom fell back on one of his nonverbal head nods – this one simulating the act) too.”
Okay, so straight guys are men, regardless of whether their partner has a dick or a pussy. Gay guys are ladylike, and don’t want anything to do with pussy. Straight guys, like men, top – though bottoming is okay too – I guess as long as you take it like a man. And gay guys bottom, which seems to be the only finite rule in the mix. Oh, and ladyboys are ladyboys, but top or bottom as they see fit because being a ladyboy removes you from the confines of being either a straight or gay man. Whew! Who knew labels could be so easy?
Straight or gay, Noom likes lesbians. He collects them. We don’t have any gay friends in Thailand, though we are friendly with some of the straight guys who make their living having gay sex. We do have several lesbian friends. When Noom meets a new lesbian, he solidifies the friendship. For life. We met one, Ben, a tour guide, on our first trip together to Chiang Mai several years ago. And we see her every time we head north. Another lesbian we met in Chiang Mai, Pom, has also become one of Noom’s good friends. They text each other daily. We met Pom during the Yi Peng celebration, she was selling lanterns to touri. Noom met her while I was wandering about taking pictures. When we hooked back up, he had Pom in tow, introduced us to each other, and then informed me, “She like us.”
Huh. Again. That one had to be filtered through my mind a bit. I mean I knew Pom was a lesbian. I just wasn’t sure what ‘us’ was. I’m pretty sure Noom had not decided that we were lesbians. And while lesbians could be considered gay, since he’d informed me neither of us were, where did the ‘us’ some in? Because neither he nor I am gay, I guess we could have been a trio of straights, but Pom wasn’t bull dyke enough to fall into the man category. And with Pom being a dyke, I knew the us had nothing to do with dick. Damn! I thought that label thingy was supposed to be easy!
I could have asked for an explanation, but it was getting late, I was getting horny, and all I really wanted to do was head back to the hotel and have gay sex with my straight friend. And lesbians do not enter into that picture in any form or by any label.
I don’t know that Thais have a word for straight or gay. I mean a traditional one, not one that has since been co-opted for use as slang. They do for ladyboy, but then ladyboys have always been part of their culture. There is no doubt that there have been Thai men who preferred men as their partners throughout history. One king fell that way, though no one actually comes out and says so. I think they just accept that some guys like guys and as long as they still act like a guy, who cares? Or more so, it’s just one of those things that is accepted as part of life which need not be spoken of. I think the gay/straight label is something we insist on. And if doing so makes us happy, what difference does it make to a Thai? Or it could just be that Thais did not need Kinsey or the countless other scientists and researchers since him to know, and accept, that the majority of guys are to some degree bisexual. And that just isn’t important enough to label.
So I’ve fallen in love with a straight guy who is probably bisexual and who some would say is gay considering how much of his time he spends in bed with men and how quickly he gets hard with no pussy is in sight. And he’s fallen in something with a straight guy who for some strange reason insists on calling himself gay who technically could be considered bisexual though he swears his days of pussy are over. Don’t get hung up on who is who, which is which, or what is what. If you need debate on the proper label and what the use of that label means, please direct your efforts at labelling the relationship instead. Because that one has me stumped. Though to myself, ‘like us’ works fine. As long as there is an us, I don’t really care what you call it.
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