Politics is still a man’s game even with more and more women entering the fray. Though some would say the majority of women politicians have all got big balls and shouldn’t be counted anyway. What no one can argue with (assuming you are not with Fox News where facts are but a mild inconvenience and are routinely ignored) is that Democrats have the biggest dicks and Republicans, for the most part, are just dicks with smaller picks.
According to a database compiled by the specialty condom manufacturer Condomania, on average, men who live in ‘blue states’ stand taller than men who live in ‘red’ states. The company, who produces a line of condoms specifically sized for customers, has been tracking sales orders since 2004 from around the country. The company has used sales data for their line of TheyFit Condoms, which come in “tailored-fit” sizes, to chart the growth of 27,000 men in all 50 states. Previously the most extensive study of the size that matters was done by Kinsey researchers in the late 1940s, when 2,500 men recorded their erect penis sizes on pre-stamped cards. Condomania claims their information is more accurate than that produced by Kinsey.
“Unlike other studies in which participants were measuring their penis size solely for the sake of recording a measurement, and were perhaps more likely to exaggerate,” says Chris Filkins, Condomania’s Directory of Technology, ““our database is comprised of men looking for the best fit condom for safety and comfort, and thus, we believe, apt to be more accurate.”
Condomania’s fitted rubbers range in length from 3 to 10 inches and from super slim to extra roomy. Though those ordering the three inchers are, I believe, overly optimistic about their needs. Customers use a “FitKit” measuring system for the TheyFit condoms, where the user measures the length and girth of his erect penis to the millimeter and then matches those results to one of 76 possible sizes that comprise different length and girth combinations. The compiled data shows that not only are men who live in democratic states men among men, but that the poor suckers who live in Wyoming are all victims of penis envy; theirs barely measure up.
Interestingly, the study’s data created an almost perfect bell curve, with 25 percent of all men having penises shorter than five inches, 50 percent being between five and six inches, and 25 percent being larger than six inches. But men who live in New Hampshire roll their eyes at those averages because the rolls they are packing are the biggest in the country.
The numbers on numbers the company released also weighed in on the weight of the country’s most populated cities. Southern boys from New Orleans have good reason for claiming bragging rights for the Big Easy, while the gentlemen from Dallas/Ft. Worth are really not worth much. Detroit may still be producing big cars but the men living there tend to be sub-compacts, claiming the third smallest dicks in the nation. And if you live in Los Angeles (#4 in the teeny weenie category) you might want to drive south a bit for your Saturday night fun; the men of San Diego rank as having the third largest members.
Size doesn’t seem to have much to do with size either. The men of Texas, who like to claim everything about their state is big, are smaller than men in 34 other states. And tiny little Hawaii is home to the country’s men with the fifth largest dongs. The men of Alaska, on the other hand, have the fourth smallest peni, which may explain that whole Sarah Palin thingy.
Thanks to Condomania’s ranking of penis size, why Missouri is known as the Show Me State suddenly makes sense. Unfortunately it looks like the men from that state get that request even after they’ve already dropped trou. But Indiana’s corn huskers evidently really do have something to husk. And if you ever meet a guy from Iowa, just smile and snicker.
Whether you are planning a trip for the summer, or looking to relocate to a new state, here are the places you have to choose from, listed by rank from the biggest to the ‘might as well be a bitch’:
1. New Hampshire
3. New York
11. New Mexico
19. South Dakota
25. Rhode Island
32. New Jersey
33. North Dakota
42. North Carolina
44. South Carolina
46. West Virginia
(Click on the When Size Matters post link below for more on Condomania’s TheyFit condoms and a link to their chart to see how you measure up.)
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