Words have power. The thoughts and actions they manifest are part of our daily lives. Words of scorn or derision can wound you emotionally – and that often include physical pain. Words of praise and encouragement build us up. Words of love create entire new worlds for us. As powerful as words are, it’s amazing how lackadaisically people use them.
Communication, they say, is key to any successful relationship. When you consider the need for communication and the power words have, and then throw in the linguistic limits that Noom – my bar boy friend and current love of my life – and I share it’s amazing that our relationship has managed to last. But then we’ve always been able to communicate well, often without words. In fact, it’s words that cause the only problem with our relationship. Two words specifically: Bar Boy.
Those two words alone, or at least when paired together, show how powerful words can be. When I talk with friends or acquaintances about my boyfriend (and yes, I did just stick those two words together for the first time on this blog) everyone’s cool with it and happy for me. When they find out he’s Thai and lives thousands of miles away, it doesn’t change their opinion. Except for eliciting comments about what a bitch a long distance relationship can be. That all changes when the bar boy words come out; two simple three letter words consistently alter people’s opinions 180 degrees.
I’m not even sure if bar boy is the right set of words to use. I think that is probably a farang term. Noom refers to his co-workers as boys, not bar boys, and considers himself a bidnessman. He has customers, but never gets offed. He gets bookings instead. But then that may just be about the power of words too. We all spin words to place things in their best light.
Since bar boy tends to get people concerned, and since they probably aren’t even the right words to be using, I thought I should come up with a better term. A spin that would be more acceptable. Prostitute doesn’t work too well. As honest of a word as it is, I think bar boy was the spin on prostitute so that’s going backwards and would in any case not accomplish putting people more at ease. Commercial sex worker isn’t any better. That still has negative connotations. And it doesn’t slip off the tongue well either.
Whore is worse, rent boy just sounds too British, and paid companion sounds too Victorian. I could avoid that whole mess by simply going with boy, but that too is a powerful word and with Thailand’s history of providing underage sex it’s not really an area I want to get into.
Besides, Noom is a man. And that’s a powerful word too.
Stripper, on the other hand, has a certain mystique. There’s something magical about strippers. Tell your friends you are dating a stripper, and their reaction is much different than that when they hear you are involved with a bar boy. Strippers are objects of desire. Dating a stripper is one of the coolest things you can do.
Google returns 10,100,000 results on ‘dating a stripper.’ WikiHow offers a nine point guide, How To Date A Stripper. AskMen has an on-line article: How To Pick Up A Stripper. There is So You Want to Date a Stripper and the more thought provoking Can You Successfully Date A Stripper? too. Even YouTube has a dating advice video: Dating a Stripper. Surprisingly, the advice these sites offer sounds much like that you hear about in dating a bar boy. The only difference, common to all but stated best in the article 7 Reasons Why You Should Date A Stripper, is that Dudes Will Envy You. Dating a stripper is not only acceptable, it’s the brass ring.
Google is so big on the stripper world that it even suggests related searches such as how to deal with dating a stripper, how to get a date with a stripper, I want to date a stripper, can you trust a stripper, how to ask out a stripper, and how to date a stripper. I perused a whole bunch of stripper dating articles and sites and in each you could easily replace stripper with bar boy. All the discussion on the bar boy topic that has filled the gay message boards for years was completely unneeded. All the answers are already out there. You just need to start calling your bar boy a stripper instead.
It seems every guy wants to date a stripper. Nerds see it as a chance to prove they are not. Politicians risk their career and standing but turn up dating strippers anyway. Television and movie stars frequently date strippers; Charlie Sheen has made a life out of it. But then so has George Clooney. Even Justin Bieber tried dating a stripper to improve his rep.
Though calling Noom a stripper would come off better among friends and acquaintances, I was hesitant to make the change ‘cuz I didn’t think I Fell In Love With A Stripper had the same aura that I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy does. Google says I’m wrong. 149,000 times. There’s even a rap song out called I Fell In Love With A Stripper. So I guess I’ll start telling people that I’m dating a stripper. Even my home boys will be down with that.
I’m just glad my name isn’t John.
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