Regular readers of this blog know that I have a soft spot in my heart for Pattaya’s sexpats. Banishing themselves to life in a foreign country where they’ll live out their golden years in a non-stop orgy of bitching about why they can’t afford the unlimited supply of hot, fresh boy flesh and cheap booze rampantly available in their new home, my heart cries out for their pitiful existence, a penny-pinching retiree’s hell on earth that was supposed to be a poofter’s paradisiacal dream cum true.
Often finding themselves slipping into the dementia of senility and struggling with the heady mix of 300 baht short-time boy tips mixed with 99 baht beer, Thailand’s Sin City’s befuddled elderly farang’s fumbling attempts at dealing with life surprises no one. It’s difficult enough doing two things at once and when one of those is remembering to breathe, all bets are off. Thankfully, fumbling with trying to climb into a condom after having spent the night climbing into a bottle is a thing of the past for my friends in Pattaya thanks to the folks at Grove Medical and their Sensis strap-on condom.
Inventor Beau Thompson of Miami, a former carpenter now focusing on an entirely different type of wood, explained that his design was inspired by his own problem with unsuccessfully trying to put on an ordinary condom after a night on the town. “I couldn’t see anything so I tried to open the window to take advantage of the street lights, but I couldn’t really see anything. Between the alcohol and the fumbling it was one big flop,” he said.
The problem of successfully slipping on a condom after a night of drinking is a familiar one to Pattaya’s sexpats. Even when they remember to take their little blue pill first. Thompson has relieved them of their problem when looking for some relief; his strap-on Sensis condom comes complete with quickie pull-on straps which with over two million already sold has already proven popular in the U.S.
The Micro Dot Ribbed Lubricated Latex condoms featuring a patented Quick Strip technology caters to those too drunk to slip on a condom on their own. There is even a Youtube video showing step-by-step instructions for the condom’s use for those whose brains have killed off too many brain cells to figure it out on their own. Thompson says his Sensis strap-on condom is the answer to every drunk’s dream and that they are easy to put on in the dark. Which your boy du jour will be eternally grateful for.
Of course wearing a strap-on condom will leave you looking like a sad elephant with a feed bag on, but the Sensi condom will save you those valuable seconds between throwing up and passing out. And waking up the following afternoon still sheathed will let you know you really tied one on the night before.
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