By The Numbers

Tags

Gay Bangkok, Gay GoGo Bars

I like catchy titles for my posts. Even if Google would think higher of my blog if those titles clearly spelled out what the post was about. But I figure if you turn to the internet for info or stories about Thailand’s gay bar world, sooner or later you’re gonna stumble upon my blog anyway. Besides if SEO was my goal, I’d join Google’s failed attempt at being a social media site, which would enure a top rank for anything I wrote. In its quest to actually make a profit, Google has gone from being the search engine of choice, to selling its rankings to the highest bidder, to shamelessly promoting its attempt to out Facebook Facebook . . . it’s a shame Microsoft didn’t come up with a better name than Bing for their answer to Google. I binged it, just doesn’t have the same cache. And though that all has to do with numbers, at least those preceded by a dollar sign, Google’s path to obsolescence isn’t the subject of this post. Despite the appropriateness of the catchy title.

I’d thought this would be a good title for an article comparing the pros and cons of offing a bar boy versus a tryst with a moneyboy – be that off the street or over the internet. That would be exploring the costs versus value with a bit of safety concerns thrown in. I also liked the title for an article examining the pros and cons of cruising Bangkok’s gogo bar with a wingman compared to striking out on your own. Both would have worked, both will undoubtedly be covered at some point in the future. But a blog entry I recently read usurped the title. A young, backpacking blogger on an extended stay in the Big Mango wrote of his experience on Soi Twilight, and though he went with Curiosity Got The Better of Me for his post’s title, By The Numbers would have better fit his tale of horror.

I’m not old enough to be a crotchety old bastard yet, nor am I far enough along in years to blame the troubles of the world on the young. I have yet to reach an age when I wonder how in the hell they can call the stuff they listen to music. The hairstyles and clothing choices of the younger generation don’t confound me either. Well, except for skinny jeans. But that has more to do with an innate sense of fashion than it does with age. I like the young. I like hanging out with those a decade or two younger than me. And like a lot of middle-aged gay men, given my druthers I prefer younger guys for sexual partners. They are much more pliable.

Today’s youth are tomorrow’s whatevers. Fill in the blank with your choice of cliche. Justin Bieber’s antics might cause some concern, but for the most part the openness and lack of bigotry among today’s youth, I think, is a good thing. Interracial dating is not a term that even exists in their lexicon anymore. Most accept others for who they are. Being gay – outside of those pockets where racism, homophobia, intolerance, and bigotry still thrive thanks to inbreeding – is no big thing and most younger people have one if not several gay friends. Older generations are set in their ways, seldom capable of broadening their opinions; the acceptance of gays in society is largely due to the attitude of today’s youth. And even though backpackers are not my favorite brand of human – primarily because of their insistence on worshiping a false god of travel – thanks to their youth I do enjoy reading of their exploits on the internet and hanging out with them in Bangkok.

After the sun goes down, I spend almost as much time on Khaosan Road as I do at the gay clubs, pubs, and gogo bars of Patpong. The backpacking community may not be adept at personal hygiene, but they do know how to party. The area on and around Khaosan Road has some great bars including one of Bangkok’s best and most consistent blues club. And while I am seldom on the prowl for sex when visiting Bangkok’s backpacker ghetto, you should never underestimate the power of being a daddy. Or of having an upscale, spacious, clean room with a private bath available to someone who’s into their third month of roughing it. I’m not sure why being the old fart in a club qualifies you as being ‘cute’ but with the right attitude, exchanging the Silom ghetto for the Khaosan one can do wonders for your sex life. That’s another thing I like about the young. They are often needy and easy to please. The Statue of Liberty was onto something with that ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your hungry” thingy.

I also like reading the perspective of someone from a different age group and point in life when it pertains to what I consider my home grounds. It’s always interesting – and sometimes an eye-opener – to read of a first time visitor’s take on Soi Twilight when that is not really part of their world or their normal choice of stomping grounds. It can be a breath of fresh air. And provides a nice departure from the typical elderly sex tourist who lives and breathes Thailand’s commercial sex scene to a point where they think posting “In my opinion the only real forum with interesting news about the gay scene in Thailand is Gaybuttons.” on one of the gay Thailand message boards actually makes sense. Or has any validity.

But that’s the problem when you confine yourself to any ghetto, be it Sunee Plaza, Khaosan Road, or Soi Twilight. Regardless of age, your view of the world is so narrow and restricted you forget that there is an entirely different world waiting just outside its borders. Tapping into the world outside your own is good for your mental health. Even if it is not as comfortable or familiar as crawling back into a bottle of rot-gut gin.

Thailand’s commercial sex scene, as prevalent as it is, is not for everyone. I get that. You can wrap it up in whatever words makes it the most palatable to you, but it’s still prostitution. The attitude in Thailand may be different, and is. The manner in which it is viewed may not be the same as it is back home. But you can never get past the fact that money is exchanging hands for sexual favors. That may not be the major sin in Thailand that it is in other countries, but it is certainly understandable why some visitors refuse to have anything to do with it. And despite every gay Thailand message board’s belief that their endless discussions of money boys and places to procure them is what gay Thailand is all about, it’s not. But it is so obvious, open, and in your face that it is not surprising that many gay visitors to the Kingdom end up, at least, taking a quick peek.

For some, probably many more than expected, that progresses to a longer peek, to an hour or two of checking out the scene, to becoming completely involved and suddenly finding themselves waking up next to a young hottie to whom they owe a few thousand bucks for the pleasure. I credit the friendliness, charm, and beauty of Thai men for that. Because visitors of all nationalities and age groups find themselves sucked in; it is not just the aged, lonely, or desperate who hook up with a bar boy in Thailand. Surprisingly, or maybe not, it is not even just gay men who do. Considering how open to new experiences and experimentation youthful backpackers tend to be, it might be a good thing that their ghetto and the commercial gay sex scene one are so far apart. Or T.A.T’s slogan, Amazing Thailand’ could easily take on a whole new meaning for the straight youth of the world.

Westerner morals, especially those involving sex, may not be the best fit for Thailand. But they are part of the baggage travellers pack along with them. We all define the points of our moral compasses; where North lays on yours is cool with me as long as you don’t attempt to bend mine southward. The young, as strictly as they may adhere to some of their beliefs, tend to allow their magnetic poles to float a bit. And that’s good. It’s part of growing up. It’s part of the maturing process. And should be a part of your life no matter how young or old you are. So even though this backpacking blogger began his tale with far too many excuses for why he ended up on Soi Twilight, with the title of his post being “Curiosity Got The Better of Me” I assumed, despite his initial misgivings, the better man would prevail. Nope. Instead the bitter man did. I guess that general state of disgruntlement I assign to Pattaya’s sexpats isn’t a result of age alone after all.

After an initial protracted bit of whining about the state of the carpet on the stairs leading up into Hot Male (which should have tipped me off that within him existed a fussy old queen who’d just not gotten to the old part yet) he went on to bitch about the 280 baht his drink cost him. I wonder how many disgruntled old sex pats began their relationship with Thailand as a youthful backpacker. He also took the time to confess his guilt over the cost of his beer supporting Bangkok’s sex trade. Not that his offended sense of morals caused him to walk out of the place mind you.

But he was cool with the opening numbers of the show, noting how handsome the guys in their underwear were and then further excusing his participation in Bangkok’s sex trade by marvelling at their dancing prowess, which comforted him in knowing thy were not just sex toys to be bought. ‘Cuz of course that would never be the reason a bunch of Thai guys would be parading about on stage in nothing but their undergarments. Once the hard-ons appeared, however, that story changed.

The poor, exploited boys – and you may want to sit down for this one – “with their permanent hard-ons poking out of the top of their underwear” had “badges with printed numbers.” I know, I too am shocked and aghast. And of course rather than becoming enlightened as to why this practice is followed at every gogo bar on the country – straight, gay, or in between – or realizing its basis lays in the general feeling among Thais that it is rude to point and the badges provide an easy way to identify to a mamasan which guy on stage you’d like to have join you, he concluded, “These poor guys were reduced to being numbers.” I’d hate to think what he’d think of a bar boy I know whose nickname is Neung. Or how many in the bar’s stable anxiously wait for the guy who has #9 to quit so they can snap up that lucky numbered badge.

Despite the horror of watching a bunch of naked guys who’d been reduced to being a number, he stayed for the sex part of the show, described it intimately in great detail, but admitted he didn’t find watching the various pairs of coupling hunks sexy because he knew “they were ultimately for sale.” I give his dick major kudos for being able to differentiate between cock for sale and cock without a price tag on it. That’s not a talent mine has ever mastered.

The pretense of morals that are a bit foggy in the first place is never a pretty sight. Falling back on what you assume to be the correct level of outrage in lieu of genuine feelings of being morally offended, when it is just a matter of indignation by the numbers, is no better. Doing so at an age when you are supposed to be taking in the world around you in order to define an informed set of morals you’ll live by is a shame. Said blogger went on in the comment section of his post to pull out the old anti-prostitution stand-bys: that the guys working at the bar had probably been abused and/or raped as kids, that the poor creatures were ignorant of being exploited, and – one of my all time favorites – that we should condemn the sin but not the sinner. He signed off noting that his “experience made me alert to having some kind of internal moral compass.” Uh, no dude. It should have alerted you to the fact that you lack one.

His is not an unusual farang meets Thailand tale. There have been countless NGOs that have come before him intent on saving the country’s poor, exploited commercial sex workers only to find they don’t want saving. Outrage over Thailand’s sex industry is as common of a reaction as is the awe and wonder of the country’s natural beauty. It boils down to what it is about Thailand that you focus on, what facet of the country that attracts your attention. Which says more about you than it does of the country. The difference here is that those who rail against Thailand’s sex industry are not usually gay. Or young. The youth who visit Thailand as part of the backpacking community don’t usually adopt the morals of their middle-aged, sexually frustrated, menopausal mothers. When the best you can come up with to express your outrage over a show featuring naked male prostitutes engaged in a variety of sexual acts seldom seen outside of Bangkok’s gogo bars is that they are forced to wear a number, a bit more thought might need to be given to your stance before you decide to express it.

Thailand is the only country where I pay for sex, though once I spend more time in Rio I’m assuming that will change. Why my moral compass allows for that is only important to me. I don’t excuse the country’s sex industry, nor do I defend it. It is what it is. And despite what your uninformed mind might think, no one is getting hurt; no one is being exploited. I don’t think it is right for everyone, nor do I believe someone whose morals preclude them from participating in it is wrong. But if that is the case, stay clear of it. It has nothing to do with you. And it and those who are involved with it do not require your blessing or condemnation. The morals you decide demand being inflicted on others – those real or just conveniently handy – stem from the same immorality that results in bigotry, racism, and homophobia. Intolerance is intolerance no matter how you dress it up. But maybe that’s a lesson not yet mastered by some of today’s youth.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:

Ideas That Don’t Travel Well

Down The Up Staircase

Dear Ann,

The Top Ten Bangkok Experiences: Part 4 – Yes, It Is All About Dick

Tags

Attractions, Gay Bangkok

It’s time to put the cock into the Bangkok experience

A Bit of Local Culture? Check
Partying You Ass Off? Check
Shopping Your Little Heart Out? Check

With three of the top ten Bangkok experiences under your belt, it’s time to devote a day’s experience to what is under your belt. And as touring themes go, for a gay guy in Bangkok, Dick ain’t a bad way to go. To steal a line from The Hangover II: There’s a reason why they call it Bangkok instead of Bangcunt, sweetie.

Praying for it, praying to it, playing with it, protecting it, and reassuring yours that you won’t go wild in Bangkok and take experiencing the city too far is what my #4 suggestion for doing the Big Mango is all about. Of course devoting an entire day of your vacation to penis would just be silly. Because no man’s is an island and your penis would be of little use without the support of your balls. So to remind you of their importance, today’s entry into the Top Ten Experiences category will take those puppies on the local version of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Twice. And it’ll be cheaper than an E ticket to boot. (Oooops! Did I just date myself?)

Scheduling the activities and experiences you plan on enjoying during a holiday in Bangkok can be organized in several different ways. You can work your way through a list of attractions and sites, starting with the ones you want to see the most. But that can easily have you travelling from one end of town to the other. Which results in your #1 Bangkok experience being its parking lot-like traffic congestion. You can play Buddhist, and accept that the fates are in control of your destiny, allowing whatever happens to happen, but that can result in your not seeing any of the things you wanted to experience other than spending time in the bar closest to your hotel. You can also cram a few hundred attractions into your daily schedule, which is a popular mode of tourism, but that results in your not ever actually getting to experience anything fully. Though if you take a lot of pictures you might remember a bit of your trip once you get back home and turn to your photographic evidence of having been to Bangkok.

If your day’s experience didn’t start like this, you need some divine intervention.

I favor a leisurely approach that encompasses a variety of experiences in a single outing, all in and around the same area of town to avoid wasting time getting from one spot to the next while allowing you enough time to get lost, relax a bit and do nothing, and wander off on the road less travelled when something unexpected captures your attention. It’s often the places you didn’t know about and didn’t plan on visiting that become the most memorable part of a trip. So today’s itinerary may seem to stretch out longer than necessary, but I expect you to put that extra time to good use. Even if that means nothing more than plunking your ass down and watching the world go by.

A leisurely approach to tourism also means not having to get out of bed any earlier than your hotel demands by cutting off the serving time to their free breakfast buffet. So today’s fun starts around 11am. If you are an early riser, hopefully you arranged a long-time off the night before and will have something warm to occupy your time before your day officially starts. If so, you need to show your appreciation to the gods for that with which you were blessed. If not, a little merit making might convince them to intercede on your sex life’s behalf. And your first stop today will be one of the city’s more popular places to converse with the higher powers. That it sets your location for the day’s experience is just a happy bonus.

Praying For It.
A little bit of local culture is never a bad way to start off your day; when there’s a good chance there will be some eye candy there too it’s an even better beginning. The Erawan Shrine is a favorite among locals hoping the gods will look favorably upon their wants and desires, so your first want and desire – the aforementioned eye candy – is almost a given. Located at the foot of the Chitlom BTS station at the Ratchaprasong intersection of Rachadamri and Ploenchit Roads, this small shrine is a beehive of worshipers who place great stock in its power to bring them all of the things their little hearts desire. The little thing your heart desires may have more to do with size, but since it’s always good to hedge your bets there’s no good reason to rely on happenstance alone; make a bit of merit, say a little prayer, and cross your fingers that the gods reward your efforts with the man of your dreams.

Bangkok’s Erawan Shrine is a good place for merit making. It ain’t bad for checking out local eye candy either.

Making merit is the Buddhist approach to gaining favor with the gods. Realizing that nothing in life is free, before you can expect to be blessed you need to offer up a blessing of your own. It’s a you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours approach to religion. And from the huge number of people returning to the Erawan Shrine to say thanks for having gotten what they prayed for, it seems to work. Don’t worry that it might be inappropriate for you to engage in any of the merit making activities available here because you are not a Buddhist – the four-faced Than Tao Mahaprom, the deity this shrine honors, is a Hindu god anyway. So tacking on your own religion isn’t going to raise an eyebrow. Besides an interactive experience is always better than a site you just look at.

How much merit you gain, of course, depends largely on what that merit making activity costs you. For just a few baht you can but some incense to light, a few baht more will provide you with a floral tribute to offer too. 100 baht buys you a small red, wooden cage with a bird inside for you to set free, or you can hire the dance troupe to entertain the gods on your behalf for a few hundred baht. Of course you can also be a cheap bastard and say a prayer sans merit, but then don’t come bitching to me when you land a dud tonight at the gogo bar.

Merit making and praying for dick aside, the Erawan Shrine is a great place to kick back and watch the locals do their thing. This is not a Take A Picture And Move On attraction, you need to spend some time here to fully experience what the shrine has to offer. At a minimum, expect to enjoy the religious festivities for half an hour. An hour will not be wasted in the least bit either.

PETA would not approve, but evidently Buddha does.

By now if you’ve been following my previous suggestions of things to do and see in Bangkok, you’ve taken a boat ride, used the BTS, and ridden in a few taxis. It’s time to expand your transportation experience and see just how highly the gods think of you. It’s probably a good thing you just racked up some Karma points, because you might not survive the next ten minutes. You may have noticed the number of worshipers at the Erawan Shrine was second only to the number of vehicles slowly crawling past its gates. You are at one of the city’s most heavily congested traffic areas. And since your next destination is just a tad too far to walk to, you’re gonna have to either be part of the parking lot-like traffic, or bypass it. And the best way to do that is by using a motorcycle taxi. By law, motorcycles are allowed to use the sidewalks in Bangkok. Which means you’ll be zipping past all the cars on the roadway, as well as scattering those pedestrians foolish enough to think the sidewalk was their safe haven.

Back at the foot of the BTS station, there are always a half dozen or so motorcycle taxis waiting to be hired. Pick out the driver who looks to be the least affected by the yaba he’s been smoking and tell him you want to go to the Nai Lert Park Swissotel. It’s a short ride, about a 15 baht fare, so agree to 20 and hope the extra 5 baht will entice him to keep you safe, uninjured, and alive. Better yet, bet your fare on a game of checkers. Not that you’ll have much of a chance of winning – the motorcycle taxi drivers that hang out here spend more of their day shouting, “King Me!’ in Thai than they do scoring fares. But playing a childhood game made out of cardboard and beer bottle caps with a drug addict who speaks not a word of English while hordes of locals bump past you on their way to pray for lucky lottery numbers is not only a surreal experience but a uniquely Bangkok one. Win or lose, while many touri think they are livin la vida loca by taking a tuk tuk in Bangkok, if you live through your motorcycle taxi ride, you’ll be able to laugh at their pretensions. And that’s always a win in my book.

Praying To It.
You’d think your best bet in Bangkok for seeing a few hundred peni would be on Soi Twilight. But the Goddess Tuptim Shrine has that popular bar area beat, four hands down. And unlike at the gogo bars in Patpong, at this shrine the wooden woodies are all sporting wood. Tucked away at the rear of the Swissotel Nai Lert Park’s grounds, the Goddess Tuptim Shrine is littered with hundreds of lingams. (That’s a polite word for the mass of cocks you’ll find here.) It is said that years ago a woman came to pray at the shrine asking for help, from Chao Tuptim, to conceive. Nine months later, she gave birth to a healthy chid. She was so pleased that she came back to the shrine and left a large wooden carving of a giant penis in thanks. Others have followed in her footsteps. Their offerings are hundreds of cocks lining the shrine’s pathway and filling the surrounding area. For a gay man it’s Bangkok’s version of Shangrila. And a photo op hard to beat.

As a gay tourist in Bangkok, how can you possibly pass up a shrine devoted to penis?

Most of the peni are made of wood; some of metal, stone, horn, or bone. Others are incised with special Buddhist inscriptions or have names written on. There are little fat ones, tall thin ones, tall fat ones, small thin ones . . . some even have legs. Others have colorful pieces of fabric tied around them for protection blessings; some are dyed bright red, blue or green.

Size queens will be in heaven viewing the large black phallus standing on end next to Tuptim’s spirit house, nestled under the huge ficus tree in which her spirit is said to reside. Regardless of the size, shape, or material the cock is made of, essentially they all offer the same message: Offer up a penis to the shrine, and you too may undergo the miracle of conception . . . or maybe you’ll just luck out and find a fun penis to spend the night with.

Playing With It.
Since you lived through your motorcycle taxi ride and were rewarded with a massive number of peni to enjoy, you might as well finish off your stupid tourist trick transportation options for Bangkok and catch a tuk tuk to your next destination. If you are smart, it’ll be the only tuk tuk you ever step into during your holiday. Though Wireless Road, where the Swissotel is situated, isn’t the most heavily trafficked street in town, the surrounding area is pure bedlam and once again choosing the most life-risking form of transport will save you in travel time. Plus you’ll have a good excuse for paying someone to convince your balls to descend again at your next destination.

As synonymous as Bangkok is with sex, it is equally renown for the massage services offered everywhere in town. Most come with a happy ending, at least at those places billed as offering massage for men by men. Not that you have to partake of that particular menu option; you can get a foot or full body massage without providing your best buddy some relief too. But since today’s experience is in his honor, go for it. Just like the massage parlors themselves, you too can pretend it’s not really about prostitution: it’s therapy. You can order up a massage in your hotel room, or hit any one of the places in Patpong, But for the full male massage experience, your best bet is one of the larger and more popular spas. And Hero fits that bill.

Like ordering a sandwich at a deli counter, the men at Hero Massage are nicely displayed behind glass.

Located on Sukhumvit Soi 11, Hero is a short but wild tuk tuk ride away from the Nai Lert Park Swissotel. That ride should run you 25 baht, so expect to pay 50. Every tuk tuk driver in town knows where Hero is, many of them will offer to preform your planned on massage themselves. Save that experience for another day, the rub and tug you get at Hero will give you something to compare it to.

The masseurs at Hero tend toward the boy next door to muscled body types, and unlike at some places in town at Hero you get to choose the guy who will be working on you. The staff, dressed in jeans or shorts, are on display behind a sheet of glass much like meat at a deli counter. Use the mamasan to select a guy – let him/her/it know exactly what you like and want and he’ll help you pick out a guy who will deliver. After your masseur bathes you, you’ll get a full massage that’ll last about an hour for about 750 baht plus a minimum tip of 1,000 baht. What is involved with and the extent of your happy ending is up to you and will cost more as you progress from a hand job to full-on sex. As for your balls running and hiding thanks to that tuk tuk ride you just exprienced, they undoubtedly decided to hang out again soon after you walked into Hero.

Hero’s facilities are clean and hygienic and they offer private shower areas. Their hours of operation are from 3:00 pm until midnight. If you spent your day right so far, you should have arrived here about an hour after opening, long enough for all the guys to show up for work so you have a full stable to choose from, but not so far into their day’s business that the hotties have been taken. Or already worn out for the day.

Terminal 21 is a massive shopping complex offering 9 floors of retail bargains, attached to the Asoke BTS Station. Oh yeah, there’s lots of eye candy there too.

You could walk out to Sukhumvit after your massage, but it’s just as easy to flag a taxi, tuk tuk, or motorcycle taxi down for the short ride out to one of Bangkok’s most heavily touri populated boulevards. Soi 11 will dump you right into the middle of the action, though since your next destination is in that direction, hang a left when you hit Sukhumvit. The sidewalks are filled with street vendors, offering all the crap you walked past at the Patpong Night Market for half the price. At this hour of the day, some will still be setting up their stalls, many will have just opened and willing to make their first sale of the day at a heavy discount. That baht will bring them good luck for the rest of the night’s business, and the vendor will usually flap the handful of baht you just passed over against his merchandise to spread that luck across his stall.

Stroll along the street, stop at any of the small cafes for a drink, or do a bit more shopping in the streetfront stores that line Sukhumvit. If you need to shop in comfort, or find a place to sit and rest after the exertion of your massage, head down to the still somewhat new Terminal 21 shopping mall. Like most shopping centers in Bangkok there’s always plenty of eye candy to enjoy, and since its been almost half an hour since your last orgasm, being a gay man you are probably already thinking about your dick again. And so am I. But it’s time to get some food in your stomach, so we’ll kill two birds with one pair of stones next.

It would make logical sense that the sois running off Sukhumvit followed in numerical order. And they do. As long as you stay on one side of the street. Cross over to the other side, however, and you’ll find yet another example of Bangkok’s uniqueness. So though your next destination is on Soi 12, that doesn’t mean you have to hike all the way back up the street to where you started (Soi 11). Instead you’ll find the street you want just across from where you are (give or take a block depending on where you decided to soak up some late afternoon atmosphere. Or some suds).

You have a long night ahead of you, so stop at Cabbages and Condoms to fill up on food. And protection for your night’s enjoyment.

Protecting It.
The original branch of Cabbages and Condoms has been around for decades. It’s easy to find, just a short walk up Soi 12 off Sukhumvit. Over the years the size of the restaurant has changed, slowly growing to spread out along the soi. Cabbages and Condoms offers an extensive menu of Thai dishes but it’s true claim to fame is its decor with everything from the lamp shades to wall art made from condoms. Everyone, from fellow touri to bar boys, that I’ve taken there has thoroughly enjoyed themselves. And the garlic shrimp appetizer are to die for.

Conceived as a source to fund the local charity’s efforts at rasing awareness for safe sex, Cabbages and Condoms has become a landmark in Bangkok thanks not only to its unusual decor but its tempting and award-winning menu. Prices are a bit higher than you may find at a more local-style Thai restaurant, but not as dear as at some of the Hi-So places in town either. Most main dishes run around 200 baht. And if you are a cheap bastard, you can always off-set that cost by stocking up on the free condoms the restaurant offers. You can choose to dine in the original, old teak building, or take a table upstairs in the open-air where a slight breeze and a large bank of misters will keep you cool and fresh. And if you are still in need of some truly unique souvenirs, stop in their gift shop on the way out for a selection of condom-related tchotchkes perfect for everyone back home. Well, maybe not your mom . . .

Scaring The Hell Out Of It.
Some like to walk off a meal after a great dinner. Getting back out onto Sukhumvit is far enough in my book. So head back to the Asoke BTS Station and use the Skytrain to get down to the Nana Station. The street will be filled with vendors by now, so you can stroll further up the road a bit, or duck down Soi Arab – just before Soi 3 – and enjoy the experience of sucking on a shisha pipe. Bangkok is a cosmopolitan city filled with people from foreign lands, many communities of which have claimed a small part of the city as their own. The area around soi 3 is popular with touri, expats, and transplants from the Arabian gulf and the sweet apple flavored hookah pipes are a ubiquitous staple at the small restaurants and cafes lining the soi off Sukhumvit. You can mutter under your breath about terrorists, stick your nose in the air, or join in on the fun. Your choice. But experiencing new things is one of the rewards of travel, and opening yourself to new experiences is what makes a holiday memorable. Besides, that thinking outside of the box mode of tourism will set you up nicely for your next destination.

Samoke: It’s not just a Soi Twilight activity.

Nana Plaza is hard to miss. If you are a breeder, your dick will automatically lead you there. Fortunately, the plaza (entertainment complex if you want to be anal about it – which might be appropriate all things considered) has a large neon sign out front to make it easier for a gay touri to hone in on. But why should you? Because besides being the home to the city’s most raunchy and numerous girl gogo bars, it’s also the #1 spot in town for bars featuring the third sex: ladyboys.

Not that you have to enter the complex to get your fill of ladyboys. There’s always an aggressive pack of them hanging out at the entrance. But those are not the vision of ladyhood you’ll find inside. Most would never refer to those curs as ladies. At any of the dozen ladyboy bars inside the complex though, you’ll quickly see why so many breeders are fooled (wink, wink) into thinking he’s a she.

You’d think ladyboys would be more prolific on Soi Twilight, where all the gay bars are. But the Thai ladyboy, or katoey, is not considered gay; ladyboys are not the same thing as drag queens. And the straight punters tip better to boot. Thailand is famous for its ladyboys, and if you are gonna check them out – or indulge – you should go to the source and not fall for the over-the-top fake version when the real thing is just waiting for you to step through the door. Lady Gaga and pretentious queens think that supporting Bangkok’s ladyboys and the gay community means taking in one of the drag queen shows at the popular venues for touri out for a night of tittering at the freaks, like the revue at the Calypso. Not. Those places are fine for the faint of heart, but man up and remember you still have a pair of balls even if many of the katoey do not.

What better way to finish off a day devoted to your best buddy than to commune with those who got rid of theirs?

Patronizing a ladyboy bar isn’t all that different than how you deal with one of the city’s gay gogo bars. Except they are more fun. That dour, unsmiling stare perfected by many of Soi Twilight’s denizens won’t cut it here. And you’d better be willing to buy a lady a drink or two too. Unless you plan on taking a walk on the wild side, fess up that you are gay and only interested in dick. The ladies’ are out to make a living and though they’ll gladly share a few laughs with you for a small tip, they’ll appreciate your telling them that you won’t be bar fining them. So when a better opportunity walks in they’ll be able to move to where the cash is. Then again, the rewarding part of international travel is experiencing new things . . .

Today’s experience, including transportation, appeasing the gods, appeasing your best buddy, pleasing your stomach, and deciding to not walk on the wild side will run you about $100. Not a cheap day out, but you covered a lot of ground, spent a full day doing it, and got done in the process. What more could you ask for?

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:

The Top Ten Bangkok Experiences: Part 2 – One Night In Bangkok

Bangkok’s Erawan Shrine: A Hindu Deity For The World’s Hopeful

Bangkok’s Skytrain For Dummies: Nana Station: Hookahs, Hookers, And Heroes

I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy: Take Care

Tags

Gay Bangkok

I want you to want me,
I need you to need me,
I’d love you to love me . . .

Whodathunk the lyrics of a popular American song from the late ‘70s would so aptly sum up one of the integral aspects in Thai/Farang relationships? Then again, that the tune was sung by Cheap Trick may be telling in its own way. To those whose sole pursuit is a warm crotch, cash is always king when it comes to dealing with a Thai. To those who are looking for an experience beyond an orgasm, figuring out what makes Thai guys tick is a pursuit of its own. Each guy is, of course, different. What one Thai is looking for out of life, or out of his relationship with a farang, can and does differ greatly from what is important to the next guy. But there are some traits all Thai men share. You could easily say the same thing of any nationality, but it holds true more so with Thais thanks to their culture. Thailand is a collectivist society, where like with The Three Musketeers it is all for one and one for all.

Even if it is difficult for the western mind, having been raised in an individualist society, to grasp what that really means, ignoring it is fraught with peril. To the Thai way of thinking it isn’t about you and/or me. It’s about us. And that us often includes at least half the rest of country. That causes a lot of problems in Thai/Farang relationships. Because far too often the farang only sees his giving. And fails to see that the Thai gives just as much if not more. If you allow him to.

Every relationship in the world is based on needs. And on satisfying those needs. For some, in a relationship’s highest form, it’s about needing to be loved. For others it’s about needing to love. There are a lot of aspects of a relationship that determine if it will be successful or not, but when a balance, or match, between those two needs exists you’ve always got a winner. Not that either is necessarily one-sided. Within the heart of most men there is both the need to be loved and the need to love. I suppose the same holds true for women, but trying to figure out the female mind is always a lesson in futility. As is failing to account for the workings of the mind of a Thai.

The key, and where I think many farang blow it by being too wrapped up in their personal neuroses, is in empathizing with the mind-set of the Thai guy you are attempting to have a successful relationship with. Because I too can be dense in matters of the heart, it has been a slow road to comprehending how thoroughly Thai nature impacts my relationship with Noom, my bar boy friend and current love of my life. That has been largely due to, for a change, not being guilty of that often repeated Thai phrase of, “ You tink too much!” but rather having tinked too little. It has been the little things he has said or done over the years that have clued me into what it is as a Thai he needs out of our relationship. And while the naysayers will always claim that’s money, it’s not.

Recently a poster on SGT started a thread questioning what it is that Thai guys think is important to a relationship with a farang, and what it is that they find attractive after you remove money and means from the equation. It was a good question, and an honest attempt at trying to define just what a Thai’s needs are in a relationship. Of course the usual group of disgruntled and disenfranchised immediately chimed in that it is always about baht. Which, for them, I’m sure it is. The OP listed a variety of possible considerations, most of them physical. Which can play a role (it is difficult to love someone who has such a complete disregard of his own self-worth that he smells like a pig sty 24/7) but seldom are the end all.

Ceejay offered the opinion that the Thai ideal of ‘taking care’ was an integral part of a relationship with a Thai, and noted that the English translation of this phenomenon really doesn’t do it justice. His is a spot on call. And serves to provide a basis to understanding both what a Thai needs from a relationship and why that cultural oddity fits, and entices, so many farang into a relationship with a Thai. For both it is about a need deep within them. And – bless us all there is hope for the human race after all – that need transcends from the me to the you and to the we. Cheap Trick managed to get it right, even if their goal was nothing more than snagging a Top 40s hit.

Noom makes his livelihood from having sex with visitors to Thailand. And yet his #1 complaint about those customers is that all they want is sex. Or as he puts it, “Sex, sex, sex, all time sex, sex, sex.” Um, hello? I thought that was what it is all about. Silly farang. To him, sex is just part of his service, and not the most important part. It is the physical part of him taking care of a customer. It is the physical part of him addressing a customer’s needs. But he knows that is not all they need. And can’t understand why they too don’t realize that.

He once told me about a customer who took him to Singapore for a few days. His customer had business there and decided to add some pleasure to the trip by taking Noom along. Nice, I thought, that Noom got to see Singapore while his customer was busy working and attending meetings during the day. But he didn’t. The customer was concerned that Noom’s tats would be viewed as gang markings and trouble would ensue. So Noom spent his entire trip in their hotel room. I expected him to be pissed that all he got to see was the inside of a Marriott. Wrong again Grasshopper. He greatly enjoyed his holiday and thought quite highly of his customer. The highlight of his visit, the part that really stuck with me (and took a year or two before it made sense), was that every morning Noom got up early and ironed the dress shirt his customer planned on wearing that day. Noom is a manly man. I never thought emulating a happy homemaker from the ‘50s would be his personal path to happiness.

Though that act too was physical in nature, it allowed Noom to take care of his customer’s need. It wasn’t the act of ironing shirts that brought him pleasure, but rather being allowed to do his part in providing for yet another of his customer’s needs. Many farang mistakenly believe that in a relationship with a Thai guy they are the benefactor, the source from which all blessings flow. That guy doesn’t see it that way. To him there is balance – a win/win if you need to put it into a more familiar form of reference – where both parties take care of the needs of the other. And where what either side has to offer is of no more importance than the other. Opening yourself to being cared for, which for a western man raised to be the provider is not as easy as it sounds, is key in a relationship with a Thai. Whoever thought that being needy would be the trick to having a successful relationship?

Thai culture, and society, is socialist in nature, if you will. It is a culture where everyone contributes to the well-being of the group, where everyone does their part in taking care of everyone else. The group benefits, as does each person within that group. It’s not something they consciously think about, it is an integral part of their nature. It is the it takes a village-based nature of how they are raised. You can see it in how they interact with their friends, co-workers, and family. And in a relationship, it is what they respond to. Provided you allow them to. Even when it is a need that you don’t realize you have, they try to fill it. They need to be needed to feel whole. Even though that mind-set is not how we are raised, it is surprisingly that so many farang fail to recognize the Thai need to be needed. Because for many of us, that desire to love is the very need that draws us into a relationship with a Thai.

Noom likes to repeat often that before I met him I was a butterfly. I like to repeat often that his saying that has more to do with him reconfirming his place and importance in my life than it does with my nature as a gay man on the prowl. No matter how true it is. But the first time he made that announcement was on our first night together. Before we’d even discussed extending our relationship beyond that night. He recognized both a need within me that I had not yet acknowledged to myself, and my ability to open myself to what he could, and needed, to offer. He’s a pretty sharp cookie. I’d teach him that Cheap Trick song; he would immediately comprehend the meaning behind its words if not the words themselves. But singing in key is not one of his talents. And one of my needs is not an evening of having him screech the Thai version of an American tune in my ear. But he probably knows that too.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:

I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy: The Walls That Divide Us

I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy: The Cost Of Love

I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy: Bi Like We

Bangkok’s Best Hotels For The Gay Guy: Keeping The Red Light On (Part 2: The Minors)

Tags

Gay Bangkok, Hotels and Restaurants

Patpong is home to Bangkok’s gay gogo bars, which is why so many gay visitors also make it their home away from home.

Apologies for the length of yesterday’s post covering the major hotels in the Patpong area, but then I know many of you are size queens so I guess it’s all good. Today’s post is the third part in a series about the hotels in Bangkok that cater to or are popular with gay travellers, the second part of my coverage of Patpong hotels, and the first time I’ve had to divide a single post into three. Not that brevity has ever been one of my strengths anyway.

Of the hotels I’m covering today, I’ve only stayed at one of them. The others I’ll list with a few brief notes so that all possible choices in the areas (that I know of) are covered. That’ll provide closure for my coverage of the hotels in and around the Suriwong end of Bangkok’s red light district. I wouldn’t bother even noting some of these, but my therapist says closure is a good thing. Then again he is constantly telling me not to refer to people as ‘it’ too, so I’m not convinced he really knows what he is talking about.

I hope some readers will weigh in on those hotels I don’t have personal experience with. Feel free to speak up if my opinion of those I have reviewed differs from yours too. Because my reviews are my opinions, and others may disagree. What is important in a hotel to some matters little to others. What makes a hotel good to one guest, is what makes their stay unacceptable to another.

How you go about enjoying a hotel room differs from one guest to the next.

A few years ago I had a group of friends join me on a trip to Thailand, and we stayed at my current home away from home, Centre Point Silom. They seemed happy with the choice at the beginning of the trip. When we checked back in for the final few days at the end of our holiday, not so much. It’d been a long trip, we were all worn out, and I initially assumed that combined with two of them being smack dab in the middle of their time of the month was to blame. Nope. They were unhappy with the full sized fridge in their room not being stocked like a mini bar. It was too much of an imposition to them to have to walk across the street to buy a six pack (at half the cost of what a mini bar charge would be). I thought the full sized fridge was a bonus, and having room to store whatever I purchased outside the hotel in it an additional plus. Who knew?

But that’s the problem in recommending one hotel over another. You never really know what it is that someone wants, or expects, out of a place. I hope that the twelve areas that I’ve come up with, which matter to me, matter to you too. Or at least provide enough of an idea about each hotel to help you decide if it is an establishment you want to try or not. As for me, I’ll keep checking out new places; I’m still looking for the perfect lodging in Bangkok, and while a few places have come close none has yet kept me from continuing my search.

Now on to the rest of the Patpong hotels . . .

<De Arni Hotel

Sitting directly on Suriwong near the lane that leads back to The Rose, De Arni likes to bill itself as a 3.5-star hotel. At least they got the .5 part right. This place is a good example of what happens to a cheaply built hotel a mere five years after opening its doors. It already looks like it’s been around for twenty and is crying out for a major face-lift. Think of a Kardashian if it lost its access to Daddy’s money. That’s the De Arni. It’s headed to a future as a hostel. Or worse, a future of being impregnated by Kanye West.

Location. Location, Location: 3
The Shower Experience: 1
Bed Head: 1
A Clean, Well Lit Place: 1
Breaking Your Fast: 3
The Hired Help: 2
The People Next Door: 2
You Gets What Ya Pay For: 2
Gay-Friendly: 1
Extras: 1
Getting In And Getting Out: 2
Brownie Points: -2

OVER ALL SCORE: 17 out of 60 = 1

The Shower Experience: When a property touts that its rooms include a private bathroom, that tells you where their starting point is and you have good reason to be concerned. Even then, I’d argue sharing your bathroom with a colony of mold spores does not then qualify as private. On the other hand, if you are into nostalgia, actually seeing a plastic bath mat in use should give you the warm fuzzies. As long as you can overlook the green fuzzies growing on it.

Responding to a promotional sign I’d chanced upon one night in Patpong that offered a room with breakfast for $40, I stopped by De Arni and booked a short stay for thee following week when I’d be back in Bangkok before flying off elsewhere once again. When I returned and was shown to my room I took a quick look around and then headed back to the front desk to book something larger than a closet. That standard room only had a tub and hand-held shower head. And the aforementioned vegetation. The room I ended up with, which was now a $60 room, was larger but replicated the closet’s water closet. I’m told the even higher priced rooms have a walk-in shower instead, but I was more inclined to walk out. Of the entire establishment.

Bed Head: I’d blame my night of restless sleep on the bed being one of the hardest I’ve yet experienced in Thailand, but that probably had more to do with the room’s paper thin walls and constant interruption of my draems by conversations being held next door and down the hall.

A Clean, Well Lit Place: Between the natural light from the windows and recessed ceiling lights, the room at De Arni was bright enough. Considering it less than stellar degree of cleanliness, that might not be a good thing. Housekeeping seemed to hold to the philosophy ‘out of sight, out of mind’ and then kept one eye glued shut to make sure there’d be no good reason to bother with most of the dirt and dust that might otherwise be obvious.

Breaking Your Fast: You don’t expect a lavish spread to be put on for $40 a night, and at this De Arni satisfied. A mini if somewhat limited buffet, it wouldn’t be worth the 230 baht they charge if it doesn’t come with your room, but for free it was okay. Just get there early, ‘limited’ is not just in scope but in quantity too.

The Hired Help: Though generally failing miserably at their job duties, I assume the problem with the staff has more to do with management, or lack thereof. Having said that, most of the staff was friendly enough and the front desk didn’t cop attitude as a defense when I immediately switched rooms upon check-in.

The People Next Door: I was amazed as small as this hotel was – it has 56 rooms – that they still managed to book in a bus tour group. In a large hotel that can be problematic but avoided. In one of the De Arni’s size, especially after such a poor night’s sleep, you quickly begun to hope you are in the middle of a bad dream and are not really part of the bus crowd.

You Gets What Ya Pay For: De Arni is a great value if what you paid for was to have your senses abused. Otherwise, not so much. Free wi-fi and a flat screen TV helps, and if the cheaper room wasn’t so tiny it’d be an acceptable value for staying in Patpong. By the time you move up in price to a room that has some, the value begins to quickly dissipate.

Gay-Friendly: I really hate joiner fees. Not because of the cost but rather it’s nothing more than a hotel’s desire to make a few bucks off your orgasm. Then again considering the size of De Arni’s standard room, they would have to clean the results off all four walls so maybe in their case it’s a 500 baht housekeeping fee. But okay, some properties charge joiner fees. That’s life. This was, however, the first time I was asked to sign an acknowledgment that I’d be charged for bringing back a guest at check-in. I coulda saved myself an unpleasant stay by walking out right then and there.

Extras: No pool but they did have a small gym. And they offered an in-house massage service.

Getting In And Getting Out: Other than the aforementioned need to sign a release for being charged if you brought a guest back to the hotel, check-in ran smoothly. Even when I’d upgraded and switched rooms. I checked out after one night, my first time for doing so in Thailand. That, as you might guess, wasn’t quite as smooth. Remaining polite with a fake smile plastered on my face, I eventually got my prepaid lodging back, but then I wasn’t that concerned ‘cuz I could always let my credit card company do battle for me later.

Brownie Points: My mother taught me that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. So I’ll just deduct 2 point for the overall worst Thailand hotel experience and let that suffice.

<The Montien:

The Montien is a 475 room $58 – $88 hotel that has been around for ever, and the rooms look it. I’m not a big fan of large hotels so that is part of why I’ve never stayed here. More so is that they charge a joiner fee and I’ve read reviews that the help is a bit abusive about the whole process.

The Montien

<Tawana Bangkok

Formerly the Tawana Ramada, this 265 room hotel is located across from the soi where the Tawan bar is so it was always tempting to book except they too charge a joiner fee and again I’d heard their attitude was less than desirable even after having made a buck by pimping out your room.

The Tawana Bangkok

<The Suriwongse Hotel

I wouldn’t include The Suriwongse Hotel in this list except (and to my surprise) it is bookable on a few of the major hotel booking sites. I thought they only booked short-time rooms for those who just offed a boy from Jupiter. Huh. Regardless of costs, a hotel shouldn’t take a wham, bam, thank you mam attitude to what it offers guests. At $45 to $65 bucks a night, since that doesn’t include a blow job, you can do better elsewhere.

The Suriwongse Hotel

<The BBB Inn

Ditto for the BBB Inn. I was amazed Agoda books rooms here. I mean for longer than an hour. Through Agoda rooms run $40 – $50, but I’m pretty sure at a walk-in rate your room would come with a boy. At first I laughed at it’s official name being BBB Inn Gay Hotel, but then considered a newbie to Bangkok probably wouldn’t know it’s actually a flophouse. And that ain’t funny. Okay, it is a little bit funny.

The BBB Inn

<The Wall Street Inn / The Pavillion Place / Strand Inn Hotel

Pretty much interchangeable, these are all hotels that cater to the sex tourist, those who live and breath paid sexual companions and have no other interest than in where their next orgasm is coming from. All are in the middle of Patpong and all run around $40 a night. I doubt that you are gay would bother anyone at any one of these places, but they do tend to cater to our straight brethren.

Wall Street Inn

The Pavillion Place

The Strand Inn

Wrapping It Up: And yes, you always should before playing, and playing is what Patpong is all about. It wasn’t until I began writing this post that I realized how often I’ve stayed in this area over the years. So I guess even I have to concede to its popularity. I just can’t help but mention yet again how much better you can do accommodation wise but a five minute taxi ride away.

Interestingly to me, I scored the more pricier establishments higher for this area. I enjoy staying at nicer hotels, but Bangkok accommodations are all about value to me and there are plenty of places that run in the $50 – $75 a night range where value and comfort are well met. I think that in Patpong, however, you are paying an entertainment tax, so those charging in that range really are more in line with under $50 a night hotels elsewhere in town. Not that the next area I cover does any better. It too is part of Patpong, but over on the Silom side where the gay pubs and clubs are instead of the gogo bars.

(Note: Not only are the hotel and room photos not mine in these lodging posts, but I have tried to include only shots from travelers, rather than the heavily retouched ones from the hotels themselves. In most cases, unless my review spoke of a higher level of room, the photo is of their standard room.)

(Note 2: For pricing, I used Agoda for a 5 night stay that included a Saturday night in mid July. That was an arbitrary decision – my desire was to use comparable pricing for these properties. Depending on when you book and when you are planning on having your vacation these prices may be higher, or if you are lucky, lower.)

This probably would have been a handy map to have included in the first part of this post, even if it is not to scale.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:

Bangkok’s Best Hotels For The Gay Guy: Keeping The Red Light On (Part 1: The Majors)

Patpong Is Not Just For Pussy Lovers

Bangkok’s Best Hotels For The Gay Guy: Keeping Score

Bangkok’s Best Hotels For The Gay Guy: Keeping The Red Light On (Part 1: The Majors)

Tags

Gay Bangkok, Hotels and Restaurants

Why is Patpong a favorite place to stay among gay travellers? Why do gay men breathe?

This is the first in a series of posts covering Bangkok Hotels for gay visitors. Yesterday’s post was an introduction to the series and describes the rating system I’ll be using for each hotel reviewed. Today’s post covers the area of town that most newbies assume is where they’ll want to stay: Bangkok’s red light district and home to the majority of gay gogo bars catering to the tourist crowd, Patpong. As a location for sex tourism, it can’t be beat. As a location for pretty much everything else, it sucks. And that’s the one thing all of the hotels in today’s post share: location. That won’t hold true for the other areas I cover.

(Note: I consider Patpong hotels to be those on and around Suriwong; those at the opposite end on Silom and those at the far end of Suriwong will be covered in a different posts.)

Begrudgingly I’ll award a few positive points to Patpong hotels on location since everyone else in the world seems to think it is where you need to stay if you are gonna be hitting the gogo bars. But I disagree. There are other areas just a short taxi ride away where you’ll get better value and which are more convenient for getting around the rest of the town. Yes, stay in Patpong and you will have only a short walk to get to the bars. But that walk will be in Bangkok’s heat and humidity, not to mention along crowded sidewalks overflowing with all the other visitors to Bangkok who are out for a night of risque entertainment. I’d rather take a short ride in an air-conditioned taxi and get out cool and refreshed to step directly onto Soi Twilight and into my favorite bar.

Besides the bars, Patpong’s Night Market is a draw for the area too.

The closest BTS station to where you’ll be staying at these hotels is Sala Daeng, which I do not consider a ‘short’ walk away. These hotels like to say it is five minutes away, but ten is closer to being true. And that is not convenient. Taxis may be plentiful, but at night will only accept a fixed fare unless you are willing to walk to the outskirts of the district before catching one. And tuk tuks consider anyone staying in Patpong to be a rube – even more so than normal – and charge accordingly. If you are trying to get back to your hotel once the night’s entertainment has begun, trying to convince a taxi to take you to Patpong can be difficult at times, though you will do better by adding ‘Suriwong’ than allowing the driver to think he will have to battle the traffic on Silom. So transportation-wise this area sucks.

On a more positive note, there are convenience stores on almost every corner, lots and lots of restaurants, and the ever entertaining night market to boot. Ditto for money exchange booths. But for cheap laundry services, not so much.

Even smack in the middle of Bangkok’s red light district, bringing guests back to your room may not be allowed. Or, it might cost you extra to do so.

Having said that, once I started listing the hotels in this area I realized with the exception of those catering to sex addicts and one I’d never hard of before, I’ve stayed at each of these properties at least once. I guess the allure of being close to the gogo bars is stronger than I thought. Granted all except one of my stays were for short periods of time, three days max with most being only for a night or two. And perhaps that’s a consideration I’d not thought of; if your visit is limited in length, a hotel in Patpong may be the right way to go.

Listing them all in one post, however, may not be. What I originally thought would be a small handful of hotels to review, quickly grew to well over a dozen. So I’m dividing them into two posts, this one will cover the better known and/or more popular Patpong hotels, tomorrow’s post will cover the smaller, less popular, and less liked or well-known establishments.

Again, all of the following hotels get the same score for location; I just don’t see that any one is better in this regard than is its neighbors. As much as I’d like to award a 2, I’ll pander to the crowd and score a 3 in this case. Now on to the hotels:

There’s a good reason the Rose Hotel highlights its pool in its on-line listings. There’s also a good reason why they don’t show you pictures of the bathrooms in their rooms.

<The Rose Hotel:

Location. Location, Location: 3
The Shower Experience: 1
Bed Head: 3
A Clean, Well Lit Place: 2
Breaking Your Fast: 1
The Hired Help: 4
The People Next Door: 3
You Gets What Ya Pay For: 2
Gay-Friendly: 4
Extras: 3
Getting In And Getting Out: 5
Brownie Points: -1

OVER ALL SCORE: 30 out of 60 = 2

Down a dark and dingy lane off Suriwong, the 70 room Rose Hotel has a loyal following, primarily for its rep for turning a blind-eye to whatever it was you decided to haul back to your hotel room. Unfortunately, the hotel tends to turn a blind eye to everything else too. Though renovated a few years ago, there’s not much you can do with an ancient structure and the rooms still look and feel dated. Rooms run from the mid $50s to about $100 for their version of a suite. Your best bet is to book one without breakfast.
The Shower Experience: Tubs were all the rage when this hotel was built and that’s still what you get for a shower stall. Along with a nice collection of mold. That’s a shame because the water pressure and lack of fluctuating water temperature would otherwise be a nice way to start your day.

Bed Head: The beds at the Rose are firm but not hard. But they still use sheets, blankets, and a bedspread as linens, which while clean are quit worn. Other than the pillows being on the small side, the bed was less than memorable, which while not positive isn’t a bad thing either.

A Clean, Well Lit Place: Good lighting both natural and electrical, though not so much in the bathroom. But then considering the state of the bathroom, maybe that’s a good thing. I will note here that when you go with earth-tones for your decor, as a general rule it should be colors that are actually found in nature.

Breaking Your Fast: You’ll be charged extra for a refill on your coffee when eating at the hotel’s free set-menu breakfast; it’s served in the Rose Hip Restaurant, which should clue you in that you are not gonna get the whole flower. On my stay for day one we had the experience, on day two I sent Noom down to eat both of our breakfasts so he could get filled, on Day three, we went down the street for breakfast instead.

The Hired Help: The housekeepers did their jobs well and in a timely manner, the bell hops out front were always good for a joke and a laugh, and the one who would hit the elevator button for you seemed to be in on the joke that his job is. When I think of the Rose’s staff, a big smile comes to mind, and you can’t get much better than that.

Basic is the standard in The Rose Hotel’s rooms.

The People Next Door: For the most part you did not hear the other guests while in your room, and in the lobby the majority were friendly; with many obviously gay guests it was easy to get into brief and friendly conversations.

You Gets What Ya Pay For: I’ve already dinged the Rose for its crappy breakfast, and have already noted you can get better value by staying outside of Patpong. This is a basic, striving to be a 3 star hotel, so the somewhat cramped room I could live with. Rooms come with a standard sized mini-bar and a television from the ‘80s with a limited number of channels. There is also a writing desk in the rooms, well-lit and of a height that you can still fit your legs and chair underneath.

In-room amenities are lacking, those are the kind of things you just automatically expect and only miss when they are gone. Kinda like your grandparents. Air-conditioning is by individual window units, which drip and can be noisy. But again that’s about what is to be expected in this class of a hotel. Being charged 300 baht a day for internet access, however was beyond the pale. That adds $15 to the cost of your room, which makes the Rose not that good of a deal or value.

Gay-Friendly: With it’s rep the Rose shoulda scored a five in this category. But it is the only hotel in Bangkok that I’ve run across that has a higher room charge for two guests, usually you can book a double for the same price as a single. Having heard how open they were to overnight gusts, I booked a single and then had Noom, unregistered, stay with me every night. At checkout I got scolded and warned next time I’d be charged the double fee. No problemo. There will be no next time.

Extras: For the size and category of hotel, the pool is awesome. And just off to its side is an adequate fitness room. And though I’ve yet to dine there, the Ruen Urai Fine Thai Cuisine built in a old teak house (which serves as a backdrop for the pool area) gets excellent reviews.

Getting In And Getting Out: Both checking in and checking out were quick and efficient. Even more so than you would usually call efficient in Bangkok.

Brownie Points: The Rose lost a point here thanks to its elevator. Which is small, though that is the norm in Bangkok. But it does not go to the upper floors. You have to get out and walk up a flight of stairs. And it is not very good at judging where the floors are – as when using the Tube in London, mind the gap!

Tarntawan Place Hotel is Bangkok’s premier Gay Hotel. Just remember that rainbows don’t come cheap.

<Tarntawan Place Hotel:

Location. Location, Location: 3
The Shower Experience: 2
Bed Head: 3
A Clean, Well Lit Place: 3
Breaking Your Fast: 3
The Hired Help: 5
The People Next Door: 4
You Gets What Ya Pay For: 4
Gay-Friendly: 5
Extras: 1
Getting In And Getting Out: 2
Brownie Points: +2

OVER ALL SCORE: 37 out of 60 = 3

The 75 room, 3-star Tarntawan is a gay institution in Bangkok and many guests appreciate being part of its primarily gay clientele. Others have noted that breakfast feels like a meat market with the other guests sizing up your boy du hour as their next possible victim. I want to like the Tarntawan, which sits in a secluded courtyard off Suriwong, more than I do; part of me can’t shake the feeling that, as many gay businesses do, they are trying to cash in on being a gay hotel by charging what I call a gay tax. There are a lot of pluses about this place, but some minuses that can’t be ignored too. And while the rooms are clean, they are also a bit dated – if you only spring for one of their standard rooms it’ll bring back to mind the days you lived in the closet.

The Shower Experience: Bathrooms at Tarntawan are done in marble and tile, but the shower is in a tub, the confines of which preclude enjoying showering with a friend. Water pressure however is good and the temperature does not fluctuate on its own.

Bed Head: My first stay at the Tarntawan was in a standard room; they used a box spring instead of a mattress which was a unique approach to say the least. Though that was years ago. More recently I stayed in a deluxe room, where the bedroom is sperate from the sitting area. The bed was firm but still comfy.

A Clean, Well Lit Place: How bright and cheery your room will be depends greatly on which room you get. Some feature floor to ceiling windows, some half-wall windows, some a bit less. The reliance on rattan and Thai-style furniture helps give the rooms a darker feel, and the lighting provided is more about ambiance than it is about illumination. Even rooms with larger windows can still be somewhat dark thanks to a view of a concrete wall a mere foot or two away from your room. When booking it’s best to specify that you would like a light room with some sort of a view. Then cross your fingers.

Breaking Your Fast: I’d suspect the Tarntawan’s gayness is a matter of flying a rainbow flag except that it offers it breakfast 24 hours a day, so obviously they get the gay traveller. Someone else might chime in about the selection offered, I’ve always ordered room service instead, which is included in your free breakfast.

The Hired Help: The staff at Tarntawan go out of their way to be both gracious and friendly. Almost to a fault. But that’s a good thing. They are always ready to help and tend to put your needs in front of the duties of their job. Housekeeping is efficient and pays strict attention to the Do Not Disturb lights – so make sure you turn it off when you leave your room or there’s a good chance your room will not be made-up when you return.

Rooms at the Tarntawan have been renovated, but it’s still a basic, tourist-class hotel with pretensions of being a 3-star establishment.

The People Next Door: Most guests are gay, those that aren’t undoubtedly feel out-numbered and are on their best behavior. Management schedules a social hour at the bar in the lobby on Thursdays where you can mingle with others staying there, though you can usually find a handful of gentlemen hanging out at the bar to make friends with any night of the week.

You Gets What Ya Pay For: Rooms run roughly $60 to $100, and a slight bit higher during peak season. For Patpong Tarntawan is an okay value. But considering what you can get elsewhere at the higher end of rates you can do lots better. But that tends to hold true for all Patpong properties. The rooms are basic, with a small attempt at providing some atmosphere. Recent upgrades mean they finally have in-room safes, and the old-style TVs have been upgraded to flat screens, but are still small and usually crammed into the room on a small end table almost as an after thought.

Gay-Friendly: Over-night guests are welcome, there is no joiner fee. The front desk holds your guest’s ID card until he leaves, and calls up to your room to make sure there are no problems before handing it back. For many, this is viewed as a plus and they feel it provides them with a higher degree of safety. Personally, I’d rather not. But being in the minority, I’ll give them points instead of docking them for this service. And while it’s not my style, many first time gay visitors love this place because it is, generally, a gay hotel. They feel they will be more accepted here, and worry less about problems or ridicule. Honestly though, 99% of hotels in Bangkok will be no different in regards to a guest being gay and/or his night-time pursuits.

Extras: Other than a business center and the aforementioned bar they like to call a pub, there are no additional amenities at the Tarntawan. Not having a pool may matter to you, so think about that.

Getting In And Getting Out: Check-in is quick and efficient. Checking out, not so much. I’m not sure why, their system is computerized and other than making sure you didn’t pack the contents of the mini bar into your suitcase, there is no good reason the process takes as long as it does. But as with all staff interaction at the Tarntawan, even when slow the service is gracious. The one thing they could do to better this score is to ensure the taxi they flag for you for your ride to the airport uses the meter. Many other hotels do this for you and it’s nice not having to go through the hassle of demanding it from your driver on your own.

Brownie Points: A nice touch are their personalized ‘In Residence” business cards issued to you at check-in complete with your name imprinted. I’m giving Tarntawan points for checking and holding overnight guest’s ID too, even if it does go against my grain. And I gotta give them credit too for their outstanding treatment of guests – you really do get the feeling that your satisfaction is of major concern to every member of the staff.

If you didn’t know you were in Bangkok’s red light district, The Glitz’s lobby’s whorehouse motif should drive that point home.

<The Glitz Hotel

Location. Location, Location: 3
The Shower Experience: 2
Bed Head: 3
A Clean, Well Lit Place: 3
Breaking Your Fast: 1
The Hired Help: 2
The People Next Door: 3
You Gets What Ya Pay For: 3
Gay-Friendly: 3
Extras: 0
Getting In And Getting Out: 3
Brownie Points: 0

OVER ALL SCORE: 26 out of 60 = 2

Glitz is one thing, looking like a cheap whore is another. One of the newer hotels in Patpong, the 14 room Glitz Hotel it is on the corner of the soi where you’ll find the Tawan bar. Like many of the newer places in town it .likes to consider itself a boutique hotel, not realizing that boutique and tiny are not synonymous. On the other hand, The Glitz says Patpong better than any of its competitors. If you consider that a good thing/

The Shower Experience: Considering how tiny the rooms are, the bathrooms are of decent size. But be forewarned – to save on space they’ve gone with glass partitions rather than walls. So not only is privacy an issue, but so is ventilation. There is a small window in the bathroom you can open, but there is no screen so flying guests frequently enter. The shower has a nice rain forest-style head that you stand under, but the stall and the bathroom are one and the same. Protect the toilet paper and your toiletries. Not that they will get totally drenched; the water is luke-warm at best and you’ll make quick work of showering.

Bed Head: The beds are comfy but firm and feature a duvet. Good thing there are blackout curtains on the windows, ‘cuz the bright lights they’ve used to illuminate the hotel would otherwise make it seem like afternoon all night long. And while the location right on Suriwong is a plus, the hotel is cheaply built and it can sound like you are sleeping on the street.

A Clean, Well Lit Place: Noting the decorator’s fondness for reds, pinks, and purples, largely due to the small size of the rooms they are well-lit during the day by natural light and satisfactorily at night because it doesn’t take much wattage to light up the cubbyhole you’ll be staying in.

Breaking Your Fast: Cold cereal, juice, milk, coffee, toast, eggs, and those strange little hot dog thingys are what will face you in the morning, so if you are a big breakfast eater you’ll do better booking a room without breakfast included and finding something more substantial out along Suriwong.

The Hired Help: It’s a small hotel, so the staff matches that. Even then they seemed to be over-worked, and while friendly enough seemed to act as they’d be happier if taking care of guests was not part of their job description. From my stay and reviews I’ve read from others, the nighttime security guard in the lobby’s sole responsibility is to take a nice long nap.

Small is the operative word when it comes to the rooms at The Glitz. Though neon also works.

The People Next Door: It’d be interesting to poll guests to discover why they chose The Glitz as their place to stay in Bangkok. You’d think the clientele would be primarily gay guys and straight punters but during my stay there were families, and straight couples too. If you do breakfast at the hotel, you’ll meet all of them in an elbow-to-elbow setting.

You Gets What Ya Pay For: Not really. At $60 – $80 a night depending on the room, you can do better. The decor is modern, or at last an attempt at hitting that mark has been made. But cheap is never far behind. On the plus side, the rooms have nice-sized flat screen TV’s with a good range of channels, a dvd player for the bootleg discs you just bought in Patpong, and free internet.

There is the standard mini bar fridge, a room safe, and surprisingly for the size of the room, ample storage space for clothes and suitcases. On the downside, there is no elevator. Not that I’m not healthy enough to walk up four flights of stairs, but I am lazy enough to not want to. And maintenance, or maybe that’s construction, is wanting. Be gentle with the plumbing fixtures – they may be sitting there instead of actually attached.

Gay-Friendly: Overnight guests welcome, no joiner fee is charged. Front desk staff didn’t really seem to care who walked past, so it’s probably a good thing you need to use your room key to gain access to where the rooms are.

Extras: There are none. It’s The Glitz, not The Ritz.

Getting In And Getting Out: For my stay both were quick and as efficient as you can expect in Thailand. But one morning while leaving in search of an acceptable breakfast I stopped and watched two couples trying to check-out at the same time, which totally taxed the abilities of the girl at the front desk.

Brownie Points: Bright neon colors, small spaces, and minimal expense in construction costs, with tv, dvd, and computer access a must seems to be a new style of standard hotel offerings in Bangkok and The Glitz fits that mold perfectly. Recognizing it is what it is, this hotel neither gains nor losses extra points for its efforts, minimal that they are. As with most properties in Patpong, you’ll do better here by booking a larger room, but then at that price you’ll do even better a short taxi ride away.

The Siam Heritage Boutique Hotel manages to pull off Thai-style decor without looking dark and dated.

<Siam Heritage:

Location. Location, Location: 3
The Shower Experience: 3
Bed Head: 4
A Clean, Well Lit Place: 4
Breaking Your Fast: 4
The Hired Help: 5
The People Next Door: 3
You Gets What Ya Pay For: 4
Gay-Friendly: 3
Extras: 3
Getting In And Getting Out: 4
Brownie Points: +2

OVER ALL SCORE: 42 out of 60 = 4

You’d think a hotel in the middle of Patpong that refuses to let commercial sex workers cross its doorstoop would have a difficult time being a success. Commercial sex workers are, after all, why Patpong exists. Throw in traditional Thai-style accommodations as its stated decor and I really start to get nervous – that can often mean dark woods and rattan that looks and probably came from the ‘50s. But the 73 room Siam Heritage Hotel manages to pull it off, and even earns the right to add ‘boutique to its name (as it often does).

The Shower Experience: I stayed in an Executive Room which had a tub and hand-held shower head. Set into an enclosed area so there was no need for a shower curtain. But friends booked the superior instead, and while their tub’s shower head was mounted on the wall, they got to do battle with a shower curtain daily. Once you get to the Executive Suite level, you get a walk-in shower stall too – for about $8 more, it would be worth it. Both the water pressure and temperature stability were great in the cheaper rooms too.

Bed Head: If you are a newbie to Thailand you need to know that most hotel beds are a wood platform with a mattress on top. There are no box-springs. That usually makes for a fairly hard bed. I’m assuming the Siam Heritage had their mattresses custom made, while still firm they were soft and probably the best bed I’ve slept in in Bangkok (admittedly I like a bed that is basically an over-sized pillow). The pillows, on the other hand, were on the thin side which would have been problematic since Noom always steals every pillow he can lay his hands on, but housekeeping brought up six more when I called down and asked for “a few more”.

A Clean, Well Lit Place: Thai-style decor means lots of dark wood and in a smaller room that can lead to an oppressive feeling. But the room I stayed in and the other two I looked at all managed to maintain a bright and welcoming atmosphere. The wood flooring helps keep the rooms feeling clean and fresh and the lighting offered ambiance where appropriate and light where needed. Noom, who has decided to be an asshole about being an ex-smoker twitched his nose often even though both our room and my friends’ were non-smoking, but I never noticed it myself.

Breaking Your Fast: The breakfast buffet is not lavish but it does offer an ample election of eastern and western food along with a station for having eggs made to order. And the restaurant area is pleasant and cheery. Kinda like the food service staff.

The Hired Help: For this class of hotel the staff was amazing, coming close to the level of service you get at the Oriental. I was expecting someone to kowtow before I could stop them. Smiling staff at good hotels is not unusual in Thailand, the country is known for that facial expression. But old hands can tell the difference between the few hundred smiles Thais have perfected. The staff at Siam Heritage beamed honest ones, they actually looked like they were happy to see you. I already mentioned the request for a few pillows that became a bundle – that was typical of our entire stay, every request was met with an over-the-top response.

With a minimalist and classic Thai approach to decor, the rooms at Siam Heritage and clean, bright, and welcoming.

The People Next Door: I was expecting more of an upscale crowd, but fellow hotel guests ran the gamut from the tour bus crowd to a few fussy old queens. Maybe they need to charge more for their standard rooms. The hallways have wood floors so sounds reverberate loudly and those of lower class talk loudly with no concern for fellow guests while making their way through the public areas. Or, maybe I’m becoming one of the fussy old queens. More importantly, while classy, this hotel is suitable for anyone and everyone. You won’t feel out of place in the least bit.

You Gets What Ya Pay For: At about $70 for a superior room up to $175 for their Presidential Suite (or the moer modestly priced executive suit at $100-ish) this hotel offers excellent value for what you pay. And, as usual, the more you pay the more you get. The lower scale rooms had minibars, the Executive Suites had full sized fridges. And a small but workable kitchen. There is free wi-fi throughout the hotel, in-room amenities abound, and everything is first-class. On the downside, don’t expect a view (other than of someone’s wall) and recognize that for the number of rooms the hotel has it is not a large property, so some rooms – both public and guest – can be on the small side.

Gay-Friendly: Over-night guests are not allowed, but at least the property is honest about it and won’t accept a bribe in the way of a joiner fee to get past their policy. On the other hand, I booked the room for both Noom and I and though he checked-in after me, no one batted an eye and he received the same warm welcome that I had.

Extras: Though small for the size of the hotel, there is a beautiful pool on the rooftop with sunbeds and a heated jacuzzi (I began to worry Noom would never get out of it once I convinced him to give it a try!). The hotel also has a spa, and offers a non-happy ending massage service. The fitness center seemed state of the art, and while – again – small, Noom was a happy camper with the facility.

Getting In And Getting Out: This is not the first hotel I’ve booked both Noom and I into, but have checked in separately. At the others I’ve had to carefully explain so that he is treated properly when he shows up. That was unnecessary at Siam Heritage, as soon as I started to explain I got an immediate, “No problem, sir.” And it wasn’t. Friendly and efficient both coming and going I couldn’t have asked for more (well, okay, it wasn’t the kneeling girl holding a registration card on a tray above her head that you get at the Oriental, but at a third of the price I can make sacrifices). Checking out, rather than having to ask for a taxi, the girl volunteered to have one called, and the doorman settled the meter/no meter matter before I stepped outside.

Brownie Points: Did I mention the silk robes in the rooms? I can’t help but compare this place with the Tarntawan, having stayed in a similar level of room at both at almost the exact cost. And yet the Siam Heritage is a totally different experience. It claims to be a 4-star hotel and I’d agree. I hope they maintain the place well, their Thai-style decor can become dated and worn quickly and I’d hate for Patpong to lose this little oasis of elegance. Shame about their policy on prostitutes though . . .

Beam Me Up Scotty! Le Meridien Bangkok sets the tone for hi-tech elegance in Patpong.

<Le Meridien

Location. Location, Location: 3
The Shower Experience: 5
Bed Head: 5
A Clean, Well Lit Place: 5
Breaking Your Fast: 4
The Hired Help: 3
The People Next Door: 3
You Gets What Ya Pay For: 3
Gay-Friendly: 3
Extras: 3
Getting In And Getting Out: 3
Brownie Points: +2

OVER ALL SCORE: 42 out of 60 = 4

Why Starwood under its new global rebranding, Le Meridien, choice Patpong for the location of its flagship property in Asia is beyond me. The river would be a better spot, the Embassy area a more popular locale since that’s where many other 5-star properties are located. But in the middle of the city’s red light district? Really? Nonetheless, the hotel’s claim to being a perfect example of where art, design, fashion, and fine food culture coexist seamlessly is spot on. As long as you are willing to pay for it. But that’s okay – the whole purpose of having money is to be able to look down your nose at the little people.

The Shower Experience: Damn. Again, like at Siam Heritage, a tub with a hand-held shower head. But the difference here is the tub is over-sized. And deep. And so inviting it’s the first bath I’ve taken in twenty years. But wait! There’s More! The bathroom also has a walk-in shower with a rain-forest shower head, and a sliding partitioned wall between the bathroom and bedroom too boot. Noom was more taken with the phone in the bathroom than its plumbing and called me on my cell phone every time he used the facilities. “Hi! I In Toilet!” became his favorite gag on that trip.

Bed Head: It probably isn’t fair to compare the beds at Le Meridien to those at other hotels in Bangkok. They imported theirs. So they are as close to heaven as you can get with high thread-count linens, a fluffy duvet, and feather pillows. Pure bliss for those of us who like an extremely soft bed, a guaranteed back each for those used to a firm mattress. If you are among the latter, I’m trying to work up some empathy, but it ain’t my strong suit.

A Clean, Well Lit Place: Yes, yes, and yes. I upgraded slightly to the Vista Plus room for an additional $20 and got a corner room (far removed from the elevators) with floor to ceiling windows. So lots of natural light. And yes, you can have a view even in Patpong. The lighting in the rest of the room was well thought out so it was strong where you needed it (above the desk and at the vanity in the bathroom) and of an ambient nature elsewhere (by the bed). Details count and Le Meridien misses few.

Breaking Your Fast: Le Meridien offers a lavish buffet breakfast with a multitude of Asian and Western food stations, all perfectly prepared and fresh. But you need to shop around when booking your room. Some sites include the breakfast in your room cost (at a good discount) while others do not. And if you pay at the door it runs about $25. For free (you know what I mean) it’s one of the better ways to start your day in Bangkok. If you have to pay for it, well that bad free breakfast at The Rose starts looking pretty good.

The Hired Help: At the prices Le Meridien charges you expect the help to be friendly, efficient, and subservient. And they come close. But no cigar. I was a bit surprised that they had not managed to hit the same excellent mark as the staff at Siam Heritage, and came no where close to the level of service at the Oriental. They were all friendly enough, and tended to stay on point depending what their job duties were, but no one made the extra effort that should go without saying at a 5-star property. They just didn’t walk the walk.

The rooms at the Le Meridien actually provide room, and in a contemporary yet refined manner.

The People Next Door: Hai! It shouldn’t come as a surprise that a good deal of the hotel’s clientele are Japanese. No problemo. With heads at chest level they are easy to over-look. Seriously though, most guests at Le Meridien are at least upper middle class and a bit mor refined than you’ll run across at The Rose. At the same time the hotel tries to be contemporary and hip, so it’s not like you are stuck dealing with staid members of the monied class. If short pants and a tank top (singlet for non-Americans) is your thing you may feel a bit out of place. But generally, you should fit in if you can spring for a few hundred a night for a room. And that really isn’t a very high mark to hit.

You Gets What Ya Pay For: The last expensive rooms (Vista) run around $200, the next level up are the circular rooms (they have round beds) at $300, and you can get a suite for just under $600. Pricey. But . . . A few hundred bucks for a room might be more than you would normally pay for your stay. The value in Bangkok hotels comes by way of comparison to what you’d pay for the same room back home. In this case you are staying in a $500 – $600 a night room at a third of the cost. Everything in the rooms is top notch, and every room amenity you can think of is there. Plus some.

Even at $200 – $300 a night Le Meridien is a good value. Except for two things: the aforementioned possibility of having to pay about $25 for breakfast, and the ridiculous charge of $15 daily for in-room internet access. Just because you can afford to stay in a higher priced hotel doesn’t mean you should be raped over what really should be inclusive costs. As a guest you get 30 minutes of free time in the steam room, after that you have to pay, which is also ridiculous. And as for the dubious Go Green offer of in-house credit or loyalty membership points for passing on fresh towels and linens daily . . . .since when do 5-star hotels offer ala cart services? Tacky. Really tacky. If they care that much about the Earth, they can go plant some trees.

Gay-Friendly: Joiner fees should be beneath a 5-Star establishment. And they are at Le Meridien. Over night guests aren’t so much welcomed as they are ignored. Having Noom with me, and watching how he is treated is always a good indication of an establishment’s openness to non-traditional couples and at no time did anyone treat him with anything other than the usual respect they paid to other guests.

Extras: Le Meridien has a state of the art fitness center, a steam room, pool, spa, and offers non-happy ending massage treatments. The pool is nice, but a bit small for a 282 room hotel. There are also several restaurants and/or bars if you don’t want to walk out to Suriwong.

Getting In And Getting Out: As quick and efficient as you’d expect at a 5-star property both coming and going. However, the hotel sets back off the street and if you want to catch a taxi, you do so at the door. The doormen were lackadaisical about ensuring meters were used, which should be a standard for the hotel – the property should make it clear that meters are the only acceptable method for anyone picking up a fare at their hotel. Throughout the stay, at best, it was maybe a 70% proposition. On checkout and heading to the airport I had to go through the hassle of dealing with the driver to get the meter turned on on my own. I can live with that at The Rose, I expect better from a 5-star hotel.

Brownie Points:
I love concierges, especially those who really know what they are doing and as familiar with Bangkok as I am I abused the concierge at Le Meridien shamefully. And he took it like a champ. So brownie points there. And for having in-room safes large enough to stow your laptop in too. There were a lot of little things that impressed me with this hotel, but then I remembered how much I was paying for a room, and was less impressed.

Le Meridien is missing the boat on one obvious advertising scheme that is already availablee and set to g

Check back tomorrow for reviews, or at least a mention, of the remaining handful of hotels in Bangkok’s Patpong district.

(Note: I did not take any of the hotel and room photos in this post, it’s not my style. I don’t take photos of meals I’ve ordered either. These shots were all loaned to me by Beachball from his private photo album.)

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:

Bangkok’s Best Hotels For The Gay Guy: Keeping Score

Gay Gogo Bar First Timers Guide Part 2

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar Dos And Don’ts For The Newbie: The Hotel Room Edition

Bangkok’s Best Hotels For The Gay Guy: Keeping Score

Tags

Gay Bangkok, Hotels and Restaurants

Where you stay is almost as important as who you stay with.

Hotels are not unlike bar boys. In addition to some offering hourly rental, opinions on which are good, which are bad, which is the best, and which is the worst are all very subjective. For the newbie, that makes trying to come to an informed decision on where to stay difficult – not knowing what it is that others consider makes one hotel better than the next, it’s impossible to nail down whether or not you’ll be pleased until you actually try the place out for yourself. Some reviewers on reputable travel sites take the time to explain why they liked or disliked a hotel, which better provides a clearer picture of what to expect. Most rave or spew disgust, but without details. What sets them off or caused them to gush could be of such little importance to you that you could easily decide to stay or not stay at a hotel, and then miss out on a great little place or – and worse – book your stay in a place that is so bad it ruins your holiday. At least with a bar boy you can go check him out before deciding whether or not to off him. Though that is possible with a hotel, most people pre-book their stay. Few want to waste their holiday time looking for an acceptable place to lay their head at night.

When you are unfamiliar with the city you plan to visit, picking out a good location for your hotel is difficult too. Some rely on proximity to an area or attraction they plan to spend the bulk of their time at or around, others by what sounds to them like an ideal spot. That’s not a problem, for example, if you are visiting Agra and want a hotel with a view of the Taj Mahal. But if you are visiting Bangkok instead and decide a hotel next to or with a great view of the river is the way to go, you may find yourself on the outskirts of the city, far away from everything you want to see and anything you want to do. To a newbie travelling to Bangkok, the benefits of staying in Siam versus Silom or by Sukhumvit versus riverside makes little sense too; they haven’t a clue as to what those neighborhoods are or where they are located in respect to what has drawn them to visiting Bangkok in the first place.

Location, of course, isn’t the only consideration. But since it is often the first thing people hone in on, it is what I’ll use in this series of posts to delineate and sperate the hotels that generally attract or cater to the gay traveller into groups. While everything else may be comparable, I don’t think comparing a hotel in the middle of Patpong with one on Sukhumvit makes sense as the two offer a totally different experience based on location alone. So each part of this series of posts will cover a different area, the hotels you’ll find there, along with a brief description of that area’s pluses and minuses.

A room with a view is always a nice bonus.

Shameless Mac – god bless him wherever he may be – used to have a rather involved rating system for massage boys that, if you could remember what all of the designations stood for, provided an excellent idea of what kind of guys each shop had to offer. I’ll be using a similar – though not quite as extensive – approach for hotels, based on a 5 point scoring system for each criteria that I consider important in selecting a hotel (with 5 being as close to heaven as you can get and 1 being for a place I wouldn’t stay at with your dick). Lastly, before we get to the points I’ll be judging hotels on, keep in mind these reviews are subjective too. You may well disagree with what I have to stay (which probably isn’t unusual if you’ve read this blog before). BUT, I will explain why I liked or disliked something about a hotel so that if you have a different opinion on whether or not that is a good thing, you can discount or completely ignore how I scored the place and decide instead that it sounds like the perfect place for your stay.

In the posts that are to come I will link back to this one so that you can refresh your memory on the criteria I’ve used to score each property, as well as my personal prejudices in determining them.

1. Location. Location, Location:
Several factors weigh in on what I consider to be a good location for a hotel in Bangkok. Being in Patpong is not one of them. Close proximity to the BTS is. As is a neighborhood that offers immediate entertainment as well as handy access to a convenience store. How easy it is to get into and out of the area counts, as does how close or how convenient the hotel is to the places you intend on frequenting. One of the benefits of staying in Bangkok is every amenity you could possibly want, with the right hotel, is just outside your door. Pick the wrong hotel and every time you walk outside you’re looking at a ten minute walk or more instead. The area’s ambiance counts too, though that is generally not high on my list for a hotel in Bangkok – if it is conveniently located it is not gonna be tucked away in some serene and secluded garden-like spot.

The shower experience can be a real experience with the right guy.

2. The Shower Experience:
A morning shower is as important to my well-being as a ready supply of caffeine is. That means good water pressure, water temperature that doesn’t fluctuate, a shower head that at its tallest setting doesn’t hit my stomach, and a lack of mold growing in the cubicle. Not having to climb into the stall, deal with a damn shower curtain that once wet wants to plaster itself to my body, and enough room to play – or at least turn around in – all matters too.

3. Bed Head:
Whether for sleeping or play, the bed in your hotel room can make or break your stay. And it can have the same impact on your back. “The best bed I’ve ever slept in” is a nice recommendation except it fails to say why. What you consider a plus in beds may not be in my book. Some prefer sheets, a blanket, and a bedspread, others consider a duvet to be the best way to go. Some like a rock-hard bed, others a billowy ball of fluff to sink into. I’m of the latter persuasion. I like a bed that is womb-like. So while that’s the standard I’ll be using, I will detail just how closely the bed comes to my ideal and then if you are one of those who thinks the floor looks comfortable, you can completely discount my score.

4. A Clean, Well Lit Place:
I tend to think of these two together, probably because a dark room tends to just feel not as clean as one that is well lit either by natural or electrical light. Your bar boy du jour may appreciate a dimly lit room, I don’t. At the same time I’m not a fan of lighting that shines in my eyes like I’m in the middle of an interrogation session. Or florescent lighting that turns the luscious skin of the guy I rented for the night a sickly hue of green.

Booking a non-smoking room where the last guest smoked like a chimney can be a bitch.

5. Breaking Your Fast:
I’m not a breakfast person. Coffee is usually all my system requires. Unless their are donuts or cold spaghetti available. Or cold pizza. Except when I’m in Thailand. Then, a free breakfast is a necessity to me, even though free means the price has been added to the cost of the room. Yup, a lavish buffet is nice, but I’ll accept less depending on how much I paid for the room. Within reason. It really is a matter of value. The more I pay for a room, the more I expect a better selection at breakfast. So a cheap room with a decent breakfast can still score a 5.

6. The Hired Help:
As tempted as I am to rate a hotel on its staff by how cute employes are, what really matters is how well they respond to your needs. For some that’s how friendly they are. Forget to greet a guest when passing in the hallway and some travellers get so upset they’ll never stay at that place again. As bad as it sounds, I think of a hotel’s staff as servants. While a smile is nice, their main job is serving my needs and if they can do that without me ever noticing their presence, that’s cool.

7. The People Next Door:
It may seem wrong to judge a hotel on the other folk staying there, but it is usually the hotel itself that encourages the type of clientele who frequents it. For example, almost all hotels in Thailand are gay-friendly, but some go out of their way to attract a gay crowd. That can be good. Or bad. Places heavily populated by the tour bus crowd went after that business, and – now to be a racist too – those that attract a clientele from third world countries advertised for that business. The people who are sharing the hotel with you can greatly affect how enjoyable your stay is. So where it matters, I’ll be including a note about what to expect out of the folk you’ll be running into in the lobby and hallways.

8. You Gets What Ya Paid For:
I chose to use value instead of cost when it comes to my wallet because what I get for what I pay matters more to me than the cost itself does. When I pay less for a room I’m willing to be less demanding and to accept a lower standard. Conversely when I pay big bucks I’m less willing to forgive the small things. You get what you pay for is a well known adage. And I want what I paid for. When I pay around $50 for a room, I don’t expect to find a chocolate left on my pillow during the turn-down service. When I pay $200 for a room, that damn chocolate had better be Godiva.

Your fellow guests can make or break a hotel stay too.

9. Gay-Friendly:
I always get a chuckle out of posters on the gay Thailand forums that rage against some hotel because it is not gay friendly when what they really mean is that it is not prostitute friendly. So I’m using that heading as a salute to bitchy queens who think every hotel should welcome trade with open arms. Not that I don’t agree with them to some extent. But I think a hotel’s standard should be either yea or nay. Those that charge a joiner fee are trying to have it both ways. Though for most it’s really about making an extra buck off of customers. Being charged 400-500 baht for the pleasure of being pleasured in your room sucks. When your hotel wants 1,500 baht or more . . . screw ‘em.

10. Extras:
I don’t tend to treat a hotel as my home away from home, but rather as a place to make pit stops. So numerous restaurants, a bar or two, a gym, sauna, pool, lending library, etc., while all nice don’t really matter to me. But I know I’m the exception to the rule. Besides, Noom loves having a gym to work out in and a pool to show off his body at. So even though I may not use them, I will score each hotel reviewed on the amenities it offers.

11. Getting In And Getting Out:
The check in and check out experience is different from The Hired Help section because it is the one area, even though this is Thailand, where I expect efficiency. Often when I’m checking in I’ve just been travelling for a full day and what stands between me and a bed had better be smiling and quick about what needs to be done. And when I leave I don’t want to have to schedule in an extra half hour to deal with front desk issues. How I am treated at the beginning of my stay is going to impact my feelings about my entire stay. And how I am treated on departure is what is going to stick in my mind all the long, long way home. In this I am not unique. You’d think the hospitality business would have figured that out by now.

The friendliness of a hotel’s staff always counts. How hot they are does too.

12. Brownie Points:
You’d think the other eleven areas I’ll be scoring hotels on would be enough, but some places deserve extra points for going out of their way to make your stay everything it could possible be. And some deserve the exact opposite. If I use this area for a hotel I’ll explain why. Since the individual scores will add up to the hotel’s over all score, I’ll get to fudge that outcome, when appropriate, using brownie points.

I hope that as I review various hotels, you’ll chime in with your views too. They may be of more value to others than mine. And if I missed a place, please let me know about that too (though do pay attention to the areas as I have defined it, huh?)

Originally I had intended on including the first area of town I’ll be covering in today’s post, but this puppy is already too long. No problemo. I’ll get into the meat of the matter in tomorrow’s post. Though if you just checked into a new hotel, that may be too late to do you any good!

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:

Pimp My Room: Joiner Fees In Thailand

Bugging Out

Steal This Room

The Top Ten Bangkok Experiences: Part 2 – One Night In Bangkok

Tags

Gay Bangkok, Gay GoGo Bars, Offs

For the gay first time visitor to Bangkok, your night should begin and end around Silom Soi 4.

I started writing this series of posts in response to a friend’s question of what he should do and see on his inaugural trip to Bangkok. Mistakenly, he’d turned to Google first, had a list of the Top Ten Bangkok Experiences, and wanted my opinion on the suggestions made by others. That Jim Thompson’s house was on his list told me he was in for a world of boredom. That the Damnoen Saduak floating market made it to his list too told me he’d be exhausted by the time his trip was over. Holidays are supposed to be about relaxation. You are not supposed to return in need of a holiday thanks to your holiday.

There is a lot to see and do in Bangkok. And even more to experience. Cramming your days and nights full of activities and places to be, while tempting, does not do the city justice. But with the right approach you can experience much of what Bangkok has to offer and still have energy to see and do more. I tend to hone in on the experience part of the equation, and then fill it in with places to visit. Doing, even when it means doing nothing, is preferable to seeing in my book. Seeing you can do just as easily at home by thumbing through a bunch of postcards.

Thai smiles and lots of lights both do their part in bringing Soi 4 to life.

My problem with my friend’s Googled list, besides too many sites that shouldn’t appear until you are doing a Top 50 list, is it failed to address the needs, or at last the interests of a gay man. Now believe it or not but not all gay touri to Bangkok have sex on their brain. Beyond the thoughts of sex that we always have on our brains. But despite that not being a touri’s primary interest, the fact is that Bangkok and sex go hand in hand. And preferably one of those hands will belong to someone else. Gay watering holes are numerous and conveniently located in Bangkok. And the city’s commercial sex scene is omnipresent. Whether you indulge to the point of a happy ending or not, it has to be a part of your holiday experience. The only danger for a first time visitor is that it can easily become your entire holiday experience.

Before you blow your wad in anticipation of what is to cum, a night out visiting the seamier side of Bangkok is my suggestion for your #2 Bangkok experience, and for a first timer it’s best to get this one under your belt on the night of your first full day in the city. Go get laid, of course, is the shortened version. My suggestion however provides a fuller experience and leaves it up to you whether or not you see your night through to fruition. Your evening starts with dinner. Pick any place by your hotel that looks enticing; I’ll have restaurant recommendations for you in later posts, but for this night what is important is filling your belly with food before you begin filling it with booze. It’s gonna be a late night and you are going to need sustenance to make it through to the early hours of the morning.

The Telephone Bar is a Bangkok landmark and one of the city’s sights you need to experience.

After your meal, head to Silom Soi 4. This narrow lane off the main drag is home to an ever-growing handful of gay pubs and shops that have been added to the original two establishments, the Balcony Bar and Telephone Pub. Some of the smaller bars can be fun too, but the main action is always at these two joints. Which sit directly across the street from each other. Grab an open seat at either, where you can sit and watch the parade of guys pass by. Both, btw, offer food on their menu. But I don’t suggest dining at either, at least not on your first full night in town. It’ll just get in the way of where you focus should be: on all the hotties parading about.

Order a drink, kick back, and if you are a gregarious type, you’ll quickly make new friends with other visitors sitting at tables around you. If you are by yourself, there’s a good chance you’ll also draw the attention of some young local stud. No matter how young or attractive you are, he’s a moneyboy. Which is Thai for prostitute. Ignore him. Politely. If you are following my advice your evening will be filled with prostitutes anyway. And you can always come back tomorrow night – he’ll be sitting there trying to land a customer again then. But do flirt with the waitstaff. Even if none of them are your type. Thailand is known as the land of smiles, and it’s time you get comfortable with hot young men beaming gloriously in your direction.

Patpong’s Night Market is more of a fish market, but still worth a short, if congested, stroll.

Next, head back out to Silom, hang a right, and walk down to the main entrance of the Patpong Night Market. But don’t buy anything. There will be better things to spend your money on this night. In amongst all the knock-off goods for sale and families of touri living life dangerously by visiting Bangkok’s red light district, there are still a few establishments left from the area’s heyday. They are for straight clientele, or lesbians, so you won’t be going into any of them. But the barkers out front will shove little white cards in your face listing all of the things that can be done with a vagina that straight guys think are sexy. On another night you may want to return to visit one of the bars just to see what that ping pong ball scene in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert was really all about. Unless you are a member of PETA.

Patpong’s Night market is an experience in itself, but one that you can fully experience in about 15 minutes. Your destination tonight is its far end, Suriwong, where you’ll turn left and walk about two blocks down to Soi Thantawan, a small dark soi that opens on your left across from the Tawana Bangkok Hotel. The first bright lights you’ll see will be Tawan, one of Bangkok’s most famous gogo bars catering to gay guys. Especially to gay guys who like muscles. And you are going inside. Even if you don’t like the bodybuilder set.

Tawan is one of Bangkok’s oldest gay gogo bars and home to a stable of muscle studs.

If you are a fan of well-built guys, you’ll be in heaven. If not, it’s just as well. This is your first gogo bar experience and you’ll do better if the guys are not those of your dreams. A side benefit is that you, like many before you, may become a Thai aficionado and may eventually start participating on the gay Thailand message boards. When you do, you’ll actually have had experience at Tawan and can voice an informed opinion instead of just repeating rumors you’ve heard from others.

Tawan’s first show nightly starts around ten. You want to be there a bit before to get comfortable. And then enjoy the show. Whether you like muscle guys or not, Tawan still puts on one of the better shows in town. You’ll see lots of flesh. And lots of hard dick. Welcome to Bangkok baby! The guys who work there occasionally approach customers, but they are not pushy about it. So it’s a great gogo for first timers to wet their appetite at. Feel free to chat with them, feel them, and tip them accordingly. When the show is over, like with 90% of the other customers, it’s time for you to leave. Leave alone. If muscle studs are your thing, you can return after checking out the action on Soi Twilight. Which is your next destination.

Soi Twilight is Bangkok’s main drag for gay gogo bars.

To get to Twilight, walk back the way you came, past the Patpong Night Market, and look for the Family Mart on the opposite side of the street. Soi Twilight, well lit with neon, extends down off Suriwong at this corner. There are beer bars, open to the soi, and two restaurants where you can sit, grab a beer, and watch the action. Despite what the barkers will tell you, none of the bars have a show happening again until midnight.

You’ve got about an hour to kill. And there are plenty of bois to kill it with without entering any of the clubs. As the midnight hour approaches, pick a gogo bar and get ready for your second show of the night. The difference from what you experienced at Tawan is that the guys will not be as muscular, there will be fem boys on stage too. And this time you’re buying.

People watching, drooling over the guys, or shooting a game of pool are all fun pastimes on Soi Twilight.

Yeah, yeah, you don’t do prostitution. I’ve heard that before. But just like with escort services back home, you are not buying sex, you are buying companionship. And that is the point of tonight’s purchase. Even if it does end in sex. Which will be up to you. Pick out a boy who attracts you and who speaks passable English. You can refer to the First Timers Guide To Bangkok Gogo Bar posts in this blog to learn how to off a gogo boy and what that pleasure will cost you. But where those articles assume you will be immediately headed back to your hotel for some fun, for tonight you’re headed back over toward Silom Soi 4 for some dancing instead. With your new friend.

The reason I suggest hiring a companion for the final part of your evening is twofold. First, depending on when the two of you leave the bar he’ll know which club, DJ Station or G.O.D., you should be headed to and he’ll lead the way keeping you from getting lost. Second, though there are plenty of moneyboys and even the occasional freebee filling the clubs, walking in with a partner is always more fun. Even if you haven’t been in a disco or on a dance floor in decades, you’re in Bangkok and it’s time to party.

Getting up close and personal with a bar boy is what one night in Bangkok is all about.

Don’t worry that you don’t know the latest moves, the beat is the same as it was back when John Travolta was still a hottie, and you are probably white so no one expects you to not look ridiculous on the dance floor. Not that Asians fare any better. Gangnam Style is to dancing what William Hung was to singing. An added bonus to bringing a bar boy to the club with you is that he probably knows half the guys there, and you may quickly find yourself in the middle of a party.

Before you known it the lights in the bar will come up and your evening will be over. Even if most of the inhabitants of the city consider it now morning. If you decide to part ways with your new friend at the club, his tip should be the same as for any short-time off. Or you may decide to invite him back to your hotel for the sunrise, though it’ll probably be a moon that your eyes focus on instead. Either way you’ll have had an experience that you’ll remember for years to come. You can also consider waking up sometime in the early afternoon with the mother of all hangovers part of your experience too. But it’s all good. You’re in Bangkok baby! And tomorrow night you can do it all over again.

The experience of finding religion at G.O.D. in Bangkok: priceless.

The third of the Top Ten Bangkok experiences, which I’ll cover in the next post in this series, starts the next day, late enough for your head to have made its way back onto your shoulders. It will be much more gentle on your wallet, since you probably blew about $150 on this one (not counting dinner or transportation, but including a long-time off tip, and assuming you were not stupid enough to play pool for money with a local boy while visiting Soi Twilight). Unless you still haven’t sent the boy you offed from the bar back home yet.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:

First Timers Guide To Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars

If It Walks Like A Duck: The What’s What Of Bangkok’s Gay Bar Scene

The Myth That Is Tawan

The Gay GoGo Bar Worlds Of Bangkok

Tags

Gay Bangkok, Gay GoGo Bars

Gay bars in the U.S. are pretty much all the same. The decor may be different, the type of clientele may change from one bar to the next, some may have a backroom, but basically they are all the same; you know exactly what to expect when you enter regardless of which city or state you are in. The gay gogo bars in Bangkok too are more alike than they are different from each other. But there is a difference, possibly subtle enough that a first time visitor may not notice. That first timer who forms an opinion of what gay gogo bars in Bangkok have to offer off of a single visit to one bar may find it an erroneous one. And if he then decides to visit a different bar he may be pleasantly surprised, or equally disappointed or amazed, that the new bar has little to do with the one he first visited. While every bar in Bangkok catering to the touri crowd operates similarly and offers a similar product, there is a vast difference in how they do so.

There are, to my way of thinking, three types of gay gogo bars in Bangkok, scattered around the Patpong area. There are gogo bars that cater to the local crowd too, but those are far removed from the regular touri haunts and are not places most occasional visitors to Bangkok find themselves in. Most gay touri do however find themselves visiting the gogo bars around Silom. And if it is your first time, which bar you choose can make a big difference in how much fun you will have there.

The majority of bars are on Soi Twilight. They too differ slightly from one to the next, but the experience you have in any is similar to what you can expect from the others. Pricing for drinks and off fees may be slightly more or less depending on the bar, the stable of boys may or may not be to your liking if there is a specific type of guy you like, and the aggressiveness of the mamasans may be higher in one bar than another, but the basics are the same.

On Twilight each of the gogo bars has a stable of bar boys from fem to masculine with most offering at least one guy who is muscular. All put on two shows nightly between which the bar boys take turns rotating on stage in their underwear in groups. During the shows the guys perform in various states of undress (and hardness) moving from semi-nudity to nudity to full on sex acts. Some bars are larger than the others, some have a larger stable of bar boys, and some get a bit more raunchy. But they all basically offer the same product under the same entertainment format.

As do what I consider the second type of gogo bar in Bangkok. I call them specialty bars – there are only two. Tawan, about a four block walk from Soi Twilight down Suriwong, offers muscle boys. And across from Twilight and down a small soi is Jupiter, which tends to have taller, lighter-skinned bar boys. The kind of guys who make it in the modeling world in Bangkok. Or would have liked to but just didn’t quite make the cut. You usually pay a bit more for drink and off costs at the speciality bars, and while not necessarily true there is the belief that the guys at those bars expect larger tips too. The truth is the guys there usually do get larger tips but that in most cases is due to the customers believing the boys are worth a premium.

The third type of bar I call the sleaze joints, though I’m beginning to refer to the area where they are located as Little Pattaya. Their numbers are quickly dwindling, but this small scattering of bars can be found just a bit further along the soi where Tawan is located. They are small, cheap, dingy places where pretty much anything goes. Drinks, off fees, and acceptable tips are all cheaper in these places than in the other bars around Silom because the boys are too. They don’t really have shows unless you consider the sight of a 65-year-old fat farang customer getting blown a show.

Screwboys is a world unto itself, a conglomeration of both the standard gogo bars on Soi Twilight and, though larger, the sleaze bars of Little Pattaya. Being located within the official boundaries of Patpong, it can be, and often is, open past the mandatory closing time of the other bars. It’s been known to have shows, but that is often dependent upon how many customers the bar has.

No one type of bar is better than the others, every type has their fans. For a newbie to Bangkok’s gay gogo bar world, your best bet is to try them all. Several times.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:

Down The Up Staircase

Customer Serviced

The Myth That Is Tawan

Bonus Shot: Boy. Love.

Tags

Gay Bangkok

Digging through old photos for a specific shot, I ran across this one from years gone by. It’s of Noom when we first hooked up (that’d be the year of, not our very first meeting). He looks like such a little boy; while still built, he had baby muscles back then too. He told me he was 28 at the time. Which from his looks was believable even if he was off by almost a decade. And yes, that’s the infamous ‘Bitch’ T-shirt he picked out to wear to the King’s dead sister’s funeral.

I just emailed Noom a copy of this photo along with a note asking him to find me a cute boy like that for my next visit. It’ll be interesting to see how he replies when he can’t rely on talking with his finger.

(BTW, the Nam Khan Monk photo linked to below, my favorite shot from Noom and my trip to Luang Prabang, always drew my eye to the saffron. Even after cropping, editing, posting, and viewing it several times I’d never noticed Noom was in the shot too. Okay, so being observant isn’t one of my more highly developed traits.)

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:

Bonus Shot: Nam Khan Monk

Bonus Shot: Pussy

I Fell In Love With a Bar Boy: A Death in Thailand

I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy: That Crazy Little Thing

Tags

Gay Bangkok, Gay GoGo Bars, Offs

Surprisingly, I get a lot of comments posted to this blog that include a note asking that the comment not be published. That wouldn’t be so if I published an email addy to use, but the result would be the same: lots of private communication, questions and comments readers for one reason or another don’t want made public. That’s cool. I’m just amazed that anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time would actually trust me to keep their private comments private. I don’t exactly have a stellar track record for being discreet.

Not surprisingly, most of those comments are about Noom – my bar boy friend and current love of my life – and our relationship. Many are from readers who are or who have been in similar relationships with Thai guys. They tend to explain their relationship and comment on how familiar my tales are to them. Even when they don’t name names, I understand why they do not want their comments made public. Not everyone wants their private life published for the world to see. Even when it is done anonymously. Still, it’s a shame those stories never see the light of day; there are a lot more positive and successful Farang/Thai relationships out there than you’d expect considering how you only here about the doomed ones elsewhere.

The second most popular theme in the private comments I get are well-intended messages questioning my sanity. I appreciate that those reader want to keep their comments private too. While they are usually polite and come from a good place, the you-should-never-trust-a-bar-boy train of thought gets plenty of airing elsewhere. As for me wearing rose colored glasses, I think if you read through the bulk of my I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy posts you’d see that isn’t a valid concern. I probably question Noom’s motives more than what should be healthy for our relationship. But then so does he.

Even those comments that question our relationship and the wisdom of becoming involved with a Thai bar boy almost always include and exemption for Noom. Part of that, I have to assume, is that people are generally polite and don’t want to unnecessarily dump on someone’s relationship. Not that that makes a lot of sense. There is little logic in saying, “Beware of bar boys,” coupled with, “You really need to be careful,” followed by, “Well, except for Noom.” Huh. That message is a bit muddled. Which is why I personally try to avoid being polite as much as possible. Regardless, I appreciate the attempt and concern. And appreciate even more that in telling these tales I must have managed to portray Noom as the wonderfully exceptional man that he is. Readers tend to want to idolize him even though he is a money-grubbing not to be trusted bar boy. And so do I.

I also get a lot of private comments either from those currently trying to find their way through a similar relationship, and/or those who are open to becoming involved in a similar relationship who have a million questions about the necessary balance between caution and going for it with all your heart and soul. Those are the more difficult comments to answer. I can speak from my experiences with Noom. But that doesn’t mean the guy someone else is involved with will react the same or that he has the same motives. Whether it is Thai bar boys – or any other group of people – making generalized statements that supposedly cover the entire group never works. There are always exceptions to the rule; you are dealing with an individual, not a group.

There are cultural issues that (almost) all Thais share, many of which I’ve attempted to highlight in these tales. And while you should be aware of them – or more precisely aware of the differences between your culture and Thai culture – above all the best generalized advice I can give about being in a relationship with a bar boy is to remember he is an individual first. Focus on what it is/was that attracted you to him in the first place (besides the sex), not on all the stuff you’ve heard about bar boys. ‘Cuz you’ll be surprised how little of that crap ever surfaces.

Most of the comments I get on these tales – both positive and unintentionally negative – dwell far too much on the issue of love. But that’s human nature. Pop music wouldn’t be the billion dollar industry it is if people were not so wrapped up in the L word. You’d think with all the people either pursuing love as a goal, busily trying to hold on to the love they found, or trying their damnedest to get over the love they lost that it wouldn’t be such an abstract emotion. But then if love was that cut and dried Adele would just be another fat, white chick from England instead of the popular chantreuse she is. It’s kinda sad Babs stole her thunder at the Academy Awards, but then ugly female singers have always held a monopoly on love songs. It’s interesting that while so many people want to be in love, or at least to be loved, the closest love song any one has come up with that best reflects reality is one of R.E.M.’s most popular tunes.

But then a love song belted out by either Noom or I would put a quick end to that genre. It’s not that some things are best left unsaid, but rather best left unsung by some. What that song would be would be the major question in any case. Love, as popular as it is, is difficult to define. Even when it isn’t expressed in song. For being such an important aspect in everyone’s life, the word itself just doesn’t measure up. It isn’t specific enough for its purpose, it’s too generalized and covers too many different emotions and too many different things. I love my dog, but not in the way opponents to legalizing same-sex marriage would have you believe. I love my mom, but that whole Oedipus Rex thing just never made sense to me. I love apple pie, but . . . okay maybe that’s not a good example.

The point is it’s too easy to read your idea of love into my love for and with Noom. That’s my fault. The title of this series of posts itself rubs some the wrong way while painting an untrue picture for those who focus on the positive attributes of Cupid (forgetting that that little fat bastard is armed and dangerous). And it doesn’t help that I introduce Noom into each of these tales as ‘my bar boy friend and current love of my life.’ Each of these stories is intended to stand alone. I thought that phrase summed up who and what Noom is, quickly, so anyone reading one of these posts would instantly understand the dynamic of our relationship. Silly me. That’s what I get for being facetious. I shoulda know better than to use the L word in such a frivolous manner.

So a lot of the private comments I get center on love; the curious question the future of our relationship, those trying to make sense of that relationship wonder about its details, those attempting to define what it is that we share question if it is love, lust, or simple infatuation. Not that I haven’t wondered about all those things myself. There is no question that I love Noom. Nor is there any question that he is a bright, shining point of goodness in my life. I am happy when I’m with him. And when I’m not, thinking about him makes me happy too. He is not, however, The Great Love of my life. At least not yet. Who knows what the future may bring. Ours is not an all-encompassing love; Romeo and Juliet can rest easy. Which is probably a good thing ‘cuz that tale set in Thailand would end with one of the two leaping from a balcony.

While I shudder at the thought of placing myself in the role of the fish, Juliet found a much better use for her balcony than the flying farang of Thailand have in questioning, “What’s Montague?” Her observation that a rose is a rose by any other name can be applied to Noom too; that he is a bar boy should be of no more importance than Romeo being a Montague. That seems to be a major issue for some in coming to terms with our love affair. I often get comments worried that I may be losing sight of that little fact. “He’s a bar boy!” (which is a nicer way of saying, “Yo dude! He makes his living having sex with any guy willing to slip him a few thousand baht!”) is a common warning. Yeah, I know. But he’s also Noom.

Maybe it would be less of an issue if I only identified Noom in these tales as ‘my bar boy friend’ (ignoring for the moment how often y’all couple boy and friend and ignore that all important space between the two words). Following its popularity thanks to Facebook, it might be better if I titled these posts instead as ‘I Fell In Like With A Bar Boy’. Either or both would remove the L word from the equation and would help avoid readers from assigning their own definition of love to what Noom and I share. But I don’t think ‘like’ – while less confrontational – cuts it either. Instead I’ll keep using the L word and let you define it as you see fit. Just stay away from Chris Brown and Rihanna’s version, okay?

I can’t define what love is and what it isn’t any better than you, even when it comes to what Noom and I share. It’s a crazy little thing that works, regardless of how it’s defined. So don’t get too caught up in applying the L word to what we have. I still like, prefer, and will continue to label these posts with I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy. But the most important word in my phrase ‘my bar boy friend and current love of my life’ is the one infrequently honed in on: friend. Love may be grand, but it is our friendship that means the most to me; I love that we are first and foremost friends. The rest is just a happy bonus.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:

I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy: Three-way

I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy: Lounge Act

I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy: Short Hairs